The Behavior of Change

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Pulling the trigger is the hardest thing we do

I’ve been talking to two family members for over a year about making investments in the stock market. In that time the market has returned over 20%. But neither one of them have benefited from the market’s performance, because neither one of them have pulled the trigger and invested.

Each of them has their reasons and excuses. One of them was waiting for the presidential administration to change. He had no faith in the outgoing administration, and is all in on the new one. The other one wanted something where he could make a HUGE return. The 8% average return the market yields wasn’t enough. So neither one of them has gotten involved, and neither one of them has grown their money as a result.

I should say, to be fair, that they each have their money invested, its just that their in products that they either don’t want to be in, or that aren’t getting them the returns they want. Which is the reason they’ve been asking my opinion on the market.

I think there are a number of reasons why we hesitate to pull the trigger on something we intuitively want. I think part of the hesitation is the illusion or distraction created by having too many “choices” (if you listen to Wendell Berry he says its the illusion of choice that is our biggest hindrance in life). Why should I invest there when I could invest here, or in that new thing everyone is talking about? What’s that thing everyone is getting rich off of? I think part of it is fear of the unknown. Of doing something you’ve never done before. Something you have little experience with. What if the market goes down? What will I do? And I think part of it is FOMO (fear of missing out). FOMO of bigger returns, better investments, doing something else with my money!

Whatever the reason the result is always the same. Inaction caused by indecision. Inaction that causes missing out on material gains, and mental distress left by the weight of your indecision.

Two years ago when Jen (my fiancé) and I were leaving Los Angeles I pulled a lot of money out of the market. We didn’t know where we would end up living, or what we would do, and there was the potential of buying a house when we did land somewhere. And for all of those reasons I wanted to have a lot of cash on hand. I didn’t want to be in a position where I was selling stock during a market sell off in order to pay our bills or to buy a house. I wanted to take my gains while they were there. I had played the waiting game before, and lost.

I also was very focused, and still am, on consolidating my portfolio. Trying to get the number of positions I held from 20 down to 10 or less. So, after going back and forth, reviewing my portfolio non-stop, I ultimately pulled the trigger and sold off a handful of stocks. I got my cash, and consolidated my portfolio. Progress on two fronts.

Two of the stocks I sold were Netflix and Uber. Both stocks had been on a bumpy ride up until that point. Hitting all time highs followed by huge sell offs. They were too volatile, and their volatility was causing me undo stress. I could no longer look at them and wish them to return to their highs. It was more important to dump them, free my mind, and get the cash. So, that’s what I did.

When I sold Netflix it was trading at $365. It now trades close to $1,000. When I sold Uber it was trading in the $40s. It recently hit an all time high of $87.

From a pure dollar perspective this was a terribly bad move, but the problem with assessing it that was is that it gives no value to the mental aspect of it. That yes, in hind-sight, I could’ve kept both, only sold a handful of shares. But had I done that I would’ve still been putting energy into watching them pop and then retreat. Trying to will them to go up, and stay there. It also would’ve been two more stocks in my portfolio, distracting me from my goal of consolidating. Two more stocks to watch, spreading my attention thin. And while I can’t quantify the value of giving myself the mental room to breath, in my experience it’s benefits far outweighs any dollar amount.

Because I believe that when you get stuck at a decision point, and you let it linger for too long, it starts to consume you, and it prevents you from making progress everywhere else in your life. I belie that when you have a desire to do something, or a need to do something, that’s your intuition calling to you. That’s your gut telling you what to do, and if you ignore it, it has ripple effects throughout the rest of your life. When this happens the call of your intuition starts to get drowned out, and quieter, and dull, until you can longer hear it or recognize it. And the more you ignore it, the worse it gets, until you’re paralyzed with indecision, and it starts to feel like nothing can go your way. And I think that following our intuition, that internal calling we all have, is what leads us on our path to the life we were meant to live.

Now the interesting and amazing part is that at any time you can get that voice back. You can reignite that calling and get back on your path by finally pulling the trigger. Releasing yourself and your mind from that roadblock, and allowing that voice back in to help determine what it is you need to do next.

The Behavior of Change

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Be careful of thinking its just the way you are

When I was working I used to wake up at 5 am so that I could be at the gym by 5:30 am when they opened. I wanted to get my workout in, shower, and be sitting at my desk no later than 8 am with my breakfast. I prided myself on being one of the first ones in the office. When I started training for my first Ironman I woke up at 4 am to meet my team for training.

After following this routine for 10 years I had convinced myself that I was someone that needed to work out first thing. And in some ways I did. Because when I didn’t, my mood suffered and my days were chaotic. Schizophrenic even. My mind couldn’t focus. I had become so programmed to that routine, and believed so deeply that I needed to workout that early.

In 2018 I left my job, and despite not having a job to get to, a desk to fill, I continued waking up at 5 am - 6 am just to workout. It’s been six years since I’ve held a formal 9 - 5 office job, but it’s only been recently that I’ve been working on de-programming myself. For a couple of years I’ve realized that I’d prefer to sleep in and spend my mornings writing and reading with a cup of coffee. And that I feel so much better when I workout in the afternoon. But I was so resistant to changing because I feared that if I did, my days would be ruined. 

I’m just someone that needs to start my day with a workout. I can’t miss it. And that belief kept me from doing what actually wanted to do. It kept me from listening to my intuition telling me “that’s not us.”

That’s just one example, but I havre many more throughout my life, as I’m sure you do.

I never believed I was the type of person to get married, until I met my girlfriend, who’s now my fiancé.

I never enjoyed the taste, texture, smell, or look of mushrooms, until I listened to a 3 hour podcast with mycology expert Paul Stamets, and I learned all about the health benefits of eating mushrooms.

There’s so many beliefs we tell ourselves that never allow us to get better. I can’t control my temper, I’m just an angry person. I can’t be happy, I’m just a depressed person. I can’t invest my money, I’m just not analytical. 

My grandmother used to always say “I’m just a scary person.” Her way of saying she was afraid of everything. Afraid of strangers. Afraid of being alone. Afraid that something would happen to her kids, her grandkids, her husband. When she was a child her mother passed away, and she was left with her father and step brother. I never met her father, but by all accounts he was a miserably and shitty fucking person who treated my grandmother like shit. And her brother, who suffered from seizures, was no better. Living in a house with these two was definitely scary. So it is no wonder why my grandmother was a “scary person.” She was raised to be.

I’m sure there is something in your life, a situation where you realized that the way you thought you were wasn’t true. Something changed that caused you to realize it. Maybe something happened at work. Or with your parents. Or while reading a book. Or on a trip to a new place. Maybe a podcast on mushrooms like me. It’s happened to all of us. Understand that that is true of almost everything you believe about yourself. That nothing about your behavior or actions is set in stone. That your habits and routines, your likes and silks, are all subject to change, and you can change them. 

My good buddy has the best saying. He’s a guy who’s competed in a handful of full distance triathlons (Ironmans). He and I cycled thousands of miles together all over California. Whenever someone says “I can’t do _____,” he says, “not with that attitude you can’t.” Believe you can and you will.

What do you believe about yourself that might not be true? What new information would make you believe change is possible? 

The Behavior of Change

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Not eating before bed

Not eating before bed remains the hardest thing for me to do. I just love a little go bed go night night treat (that’s what they’re called in my house). But eating before bed, no matter what it is, has the biggest impact on how I sleep, how I feel when I wake up, and whether or not I’m able to to achieve my physical goals. Mainly, maintaining a certain weight, and keeping that small pocket of fat at the bottom of my belly at bay.

So it’s a real conundrum and a real battle for me. I know that if I can string a few nights together without having that bedtime snack, that I’m going to see and feel the results I want. But, I also know how much I enjoy those after dinner treats.

I have a few things I try to do to avoid snacking at night. First, I try to make sure I get in all the calories and macros I need throughout the day. This helps to limit my cravings at night. It also helps limit my ability to rationalize having a snack. I’m very good at convincing myself I need more food because I didn’t get enough calories, or protein, or fats. In particular after a hard training day. Along these same lines I try to make sure I have a balanced and substantial dinner that isn’t going to leave me craving more in a couple of hours. I’d rather overdo dinner a little bit, than leave myself hungry for food before bed.

Also, I look for signs that I’m just trying to eat. There are two signs that I always notice in myself. First, whenever I go to the kitchen looking for food but nothing appeals to me, I know I’m not actually hungry and I’m just looking to eat. Because when I am actually hungry it’s only a matter of moments that I’m putting together a plate with everything I want. Second is when I start telling myself I don’t care. The conversation in my head usually goes something like, “you don’t want to eat that, it’s going to negatively impact your sleep and your goals.” To which the glutton in me responds with, “I don’t care.” Well I do care, so I know that’s not the voice of reason, that’s the voice of someone bored looking for a treat.

But if I’m really needing something, I might mix some protein powder (usually casein) in water. Soy milk if I’m really getting crazy. Also, I’ve recently been on a milk kick. An 8 oz glass of whole milk can usually do the trick (I’ve been loving this A2 milk that supposed to be easier on digestion). Milk also works if I wake up in the middle of the night craving something. A teaspoon of CALM in 8 oz of water is another good trick. Something about the molecular make up of magnesium tends to settle med down.

But the hardest nights are the ones when my fiancé goes for a snack. On those nights it’s almost impossible not to join her in her indulgence. Luckily, she doesn’t do it often, so when she does I usually just cave and indulge with her. Just another reason why it’s important to be on the same page as your partner.

I love food. I love eating. I love eating all throughout the day. But at some point I have to put a lid on it, and I find that shutting it down a few hours before bed offers me the best results.

The Behavior of Change

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The formula is not that easy and never the same

I used to think that everyone was impacted the same way by everything. The first time I realized that wasn’t true was when a few friends and I tripped on mushroom. I was expecting for all of us to have essentially the same trip. We didn’t. It was my first time taking a heavy dose of mushrooms, and it’s safe to say I had the biggest reaction to them. I’ll spare you all the details except to say that I spent the 6 hours on the floor, under a blanket, going between fits of crying, laughing, and asking the group if I should drink water. It was something.

One of my friends spent his trip walking around draped in a shaggy blanket, laughing at everything and everyone. My other friend played DJ and sat in a chair, eyes closed, listening to the music. My last friend kind of did a combination of everything, feeding off whichever one of us he was interacting with. The one thing they did have in common, was that they kept a close eye on me.

Now, we did all take different size doses. We also are four guys with very different builds. One guy who took as much as me, threw up about an hour into it. A couple people had done full trips before. A couple of us had not. But despite that, despite those differences, I was still shocked by how different our experiences were.

I was also shocked by what we each got out of it in the days and weeks that followed. I had a number of different break throughs during my trip. Some I think were pretty common, like fully understanding the connectedness of the universe and mankind. While others were deeply personal, like a new perspective on strained relationships in my life and the decision to confront them. 

But I never heard of any of the other guys having any new revelations about life, or the world. Or anything they planned on doing differently based on what they saw or felt during their experience. No new insights about relationships, work, goals or ambitions. Maybe they had them but never shared them with me. Or maybe because I was such a mess during my trip that they couldn’t get the full experience I had. Or maybe the different doses and body types played a bigger role than I realize. Regardless, I had expected we’d all come away with something similar to share.

A friend who I no longer speak to, recommended reading Boyd Varty’s The Lion Tracker’s Guide to Life a few years ago. We were both at major transition points in our life, and trying to find our path. He assured me that this book would change my life. He was right. I listened to the audio version that first time, and I enjoyed it so much that I went out and bought a physical copy and have since read it three more times. It is the book I gift the most to people because of the impact its had on me. If you haven’t read it, and you are seeking your path, then I highly recommend it.

But it doesn’t appear that its had the same impact on my old friend. Although we no longer speak, we still have mutual friends, and they, unsolicited, update me from time to time on what’s he’s doing. In short, he seems to be doing the same stuff he was doing 4 years ago when he recommended that book.

So what is it about a drug, a book, a movie, a podcast, a news story, or an experience, that can have such a great impact on one person, while seemingly having no impact on the other?

A few years ago a friend of mine and I went to Patagonia for a 7-day trek around Torres del Paine National Park. It was only the third time I had ever been on a hike before in my life (I was 30 by this point). And it was the first time I had ever camped or backpacked. At the time both my buddy and I had just left long tenures at our respective jobs, and were unsure of what we would do in the future. That trip completely changed the trajectory of my life. It motivated me to leave New York, the only place I had ever lived, and it shifted my focus to exploring the outdoors. It also convinced me that there was more to life than a job. Six years later and I haven’t returned to New York, or work, while my buddy has. 

So what is it? I think it’s about intention. What do you intend to get out of this experience or do with your newfound knowledge? I think that you need to have an intention going into it in order to get anything out of it. I think that every body is at different points of their journey. Some people might not even have begun theirs. It doesn’t matter how old you are or where you came from. Your journey and where you are on it, is unique to you. And I think the number and types of experiences you’ve had prior tot his new one, whether it’s tripping on mushrooms, reading a powerful and influential book, or taking a trip that’s outside of your comfort zone, plays a role.

That’s why you can’t treat every person the same and expect the same outcome. That’s why you need to be kind and figure out where people are on their journey and meet them there. You need to understand where they’ve been and where they want to go if you want to help them. It’s very easy to just repeatedly bludgeon someone over the head with what’s worked for you, and wonder what’s wrong with them when you don’t get the result you’re looking for. But that’s why I’m saying no formula is the same and it’s not that easy. We’re all unique and we will all respond in kind.

The Behavior of Change

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“Every day represents an opportunity to start a new. To make the change you’ve been dreaming of”

Stay Close to the Pin

This is the advice I gave my buddy the other day. It’s also the mantra I repeat to myself. Particularly during times when my normal exercise and diet routines have been thrown off. Whether that’s by choice, like taking a trip abroad, or it’s out of my control, like hosting my fiancé’s family for a couple of weeks over the holidays. Stay close to the pin, the pin is your goal or desired outcome, means focusing on what is in your control that can keep you from veering too far off.

If there’s three meals in a day, and you know dinner is going to be an indulgent affair, like say going out for Italian, or celebrating a friends birthday, then make sure that the other two meals balance it out. As an example, when I’m traveling I like to have a big healthy breakfast with fruit, eggs, bacon, yogurt, and a garden salad. I like to fill myself up before I leave to explore for the day. This way I’m not jonesing for every piece of food or pastry I see. Also, so that when I indulge at dinner, which is inevitable when traveling, I at least know that I started my day on the right food. And, at breakfast the next morning I can balance myself out again. I’m just trying to stay as close as I can.

With family visiting, I try to do the same thing with breakfast, and I’ll also sneak other healthy snacks throughout the day. Some raw nuts. Some fruit. A protein shake. So when we sit down for dinner, I’m hungry, but not starving and in danger of overdoing it.

Exercise is similar. What can you fit in during your trip? Or while you have company? Or whatever else it is that might be throwing off your routine. Maybe it’s 10 minutes of squats, push ups, crunches, and lunges to start your day. Or a few variations of plank holds. If you’re staying in a city where you’re going to be walking non-stop, then maybe you don’t need to formally exercise. Just choose to walk over getting into a taxi, or taking the stairs over escalators or elevators. On a recent trip my fiancé and I walked for an hour from our hotel to where we were meeting friends. My one buddy kept messaging me asking where we were. They Ubered to the destination and ended up arriving 30 minutes before us and the rest of the party. When we finally got there I told him we walked. He immediately started laughing. He said, “We thought about walking but decided to take an Uber. I told the group if anyone would walk it, it was Jen and James.” He was right.

The idea is not to make physical gains while you’re traveling, or when you’re out of your routine in general. You’re not going to be able to make progress during these times anyway, so don’t force it. Take it as an opportunity to break routine. But do just enough to keep the muscle memory of your routine fresh in your mind. It might not be the 60 minute high intensity workout you’re used to doing, but something is better than nothing, and something keeps the habit front of mind.

Stay close to the pin also means to give yourself a little slack. Don’t torture yourself with your routine. If you’re torturing yourself, it won’t be sustainable. If it’s not sustainable then you won’t stick to it long term. And the most important thing when it comes to making progress is consistency over a long period of time. Back off a little bit if you need to. Indulge a little bit if you need to. Just keep an eye out throughout your day for opportunities to strike a balance. A big dinner out with friends can be followed the next day with a light healthy breakfast and lunch. A missed workout can be balanced by a long walk when you get home or in the morning the next day while you sip your coffee.

Stay close to the pin, so when you’re ready to return you don’t have far to go. Poor health, weight gain, is not the result of 1 or 2 missed workouts or bad meals. People don’t end up in a hole because they fell off. Everyone falls off at some point. What matters is how far off you fall and for how long. Stay close to the pin.

And if you have a desire to start eating better and getting more active, don’t ever let that desire die. Think about it every day. Tell yourself that today is the day. And if not, then tomorrow. That is the day. My boss used to take home a briefcase every night filed with work. But he never did any work at home. Finally one day I asked him, “why do you keep bringing everything home when you never work on it?” He said, “It’s the intention that matters, and one day I will.” Never lose your intention, and one day you will make it happen. Every day is an opportunity to make the change you want.

The Behavior of Change

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“The funny thing about a problem is that once you deal with it, it goes away.”

Are You Trying?

For the past 6 week I’ve been trying to lose the extra holiday/vacation weight I put on. According to the scale I’m up about 5 lbs. Most of the day I don’t even notice it. It’s only when I get in the shower, or at night before bed. That’s when it sticks out to me, and that’s when I usually mutter to myself something along the lines of, “I just can’t get rid of this belly.”

Now, the reality is that I actually have not been trying to Lise it. Ever since combing back from vacation and hosting the Christmas holiday, I’ve been allowing myself to indulge in food that I normally wouldn’t eat. Food that I wasn’t eating before my trip. The change has been sparked in part by a new desire to cook more recipes than are not in my normal repertoire, in terms of types of food, flavor, ingredients, and technique. Things like homemade granola (loaded with sugar), and homemade beef stew (loads with fat).

So really, it’s no surprise that I have yet to put a dent in those extra lbs. because I’m not really trying to. In fact, I’m consciously doing the opposite wow what I know I should be doing. And every time I look at my belly, I’m reminded of this. Right after I mutter to myself about not being able to lose it I follow it with a smile and say, “yea, but I’m kind of enjoying it.” I’m not ready to lose it. I’m not ready to begin trying. I’m enjoying the different foods, indulging for a change, and I don’t intend on stopping right now.

I talk to a lot of people who ask me for diet and exercise advice. Some are open to what I have to say, others are not. They don’t exactly say that, I can just tell by their excuses. “O that’s really hard, I love my pasta.” “What will I eat for cereal?” Or, “I don’t have the time.” They don’t realize it, but what they are really saying is “I’m not ready.” And that’s ok. But recognize the difference.

Stop torturing yourself with something that you think you want. If you don’t want to give up your pasta or cereal, and you don’t want to wake up early to exercise, then you don’t want to make a change to improve your health. Not yet at least.

You’re not actually trying, the way I’m not actually trying to lose my extra pounds but yet wondering why every night I see this “unwanted” belly. But one day I will, and so will you. Until then, enjoy the ride, stop beating yourself up, and come back when you’re ready. The point is, if you really wanted to do it, you would. Because when you really want something, you get it done.

The Behavior of Change

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As in a love relationship, we learn that what we thought we knew is not equal to what we are discovering. As in an intimate relationship, we learn that who we thought we were is not who we are now in the midst of all the disappearing boundaries. Almost always in relationship, what we think have to give, is not actually what is needed. What we thought was love, might not have been love at all. And what we thought we had to give up, is not after all what is being asked for - David Whyte

Sleep

It wasn’t long ago that I discovered that sleeping is a skill. For most of my life I considered myself someone who couldn’t take naps or sleep past a certain time in the morning. I was up when the sun came up, or the first time my eyes opened. When I went to take a nap, I would get up just minutes later. Sleeping extra was just not something that I was born with.

Until one day I realized that it was all a lie. That the reason I couldn’t nap or fall back asleep like so many other people I knew, was because I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to fall asleep during the day. I was busy, I had things to do. The same was true of the mornings. Once my eyes opened and I glimpsed the morning sun my mind would immediately start working and it seemed more important to get up and act than to stay in bed.

I realized this and so one day I did a little experiment. I went to take a nap, but this time I meant it. Instead of going into it with the mindset that I wouldn’t be able to fall asleep, I went in with the mindset that I really wanted to get some rest, even if it was for only a few minutes. I convinced myself that if I could rest for 20 - 30 minutes, that contrary to my prior belief that it would be a waste of time, that I would actually be more productive throughout the rest of the day. And it worked. And so for many days after, instead of fighting it and saying I can’t, I embraced taking a mid-day snooze.

More recently I’ve tried this same idea in the mornings. But for a different reason. I realized that on days when I actually slept past that initial wake up, that my days went smoother. I was less agitated. My brain wasn’t as foggy. Even my bowel movements were better. So I told myself that I could sleep in, and that I didn’t have to rise with the sun. That I could be someone who sleeps past 6 am. And so far it’s worked.

We have so many preconceived notions about ourselves. About things we are capable of and things we aren’t that are based on a lifetime of experiences. Since we’ve been doing something a certain way for most of our lives we’re convinced that it can’t be changed. That it’s innate within us. We were born this way.

But once you realize that that’s not true, a whole new world begins to open up. A whole new world where changing your behavior is possible. Where statements such as “I can’t, I’m not that type of person” begin to wash away and seem silly. We are capable of a lot more than we give ourselves credit for.

Your boots not in. 

We were out skiing and my fiancé was having trouble getting her boot into her ski. it was her third day ever skiing, and she was wearing new boots. From where I was standing I could see that her heel wasn’t lined up, and so when she pressed her foot down, her boot hadn’t clicked in. So, trying to be helpful I said “your boots not in.” She tried again. But the same thing happened. So I said, “your boots not in.” This happened one more time and she finally turned and, clearly frustrated, snapped back, “I know its not and you’re just standing there tell me its not. Do you think that’s helpful?”

I tried to explain that I thought it was, and that I didn’t think she could tell whether she was fully in or not. But, consumed with frustration, she didn’t see it that way. She just thought I was being a dick.And I can see how. But at the same time something else dawned on me.

It dawned on me how these small moments in a relationship could lead to bigger issues down the road, and leads to cracks in communication.

If one party thinks they are being helpful, but the other party doesn’t receive it that way, and is constantly pushing back, then it’s going to make their partner reluctant to give feedback. They’re going to hesitate to offer advice or even be truthful becasue they are expecting an unfavorable response.

They think they are coming from a place of being genuine, but they just end up getting their hand slapped. And the more and more it happens, the more and more they are going to default to being silent, and biting their tongue. Which is a crucial mstake in any relationship.

I realizd this as it was happening. And I realized its all these moments, if left unchecked, add up over years to lead to the demise of a relationship over time. But I also became aware of two other things.

One, no matter what, you can never be afraid to open your mouth in a relationship jut becasue of past experiences. Two, most importantly, that you also cant keep doing or saying the same thing and expecting a different response. I.e. “Your boots not in.”

You have to think o adifferent approach when the first one isn’t working. You have to think about a different way to get your point across, so that it is receifeved int the way in which you intended it. Maybe I should have skiied over and physically helped her place her boot firmly in. Maybe I should have showed her with my own skis. Or maybe I should have said nothing and just waited.

But its hard to see that in the moment, and correct yourself while its hapneing. But I think just being aware of it, even after the fact, will help the next time you find youself in that situation. And the more and more youre aware of it, the easier it will be to identify.

A disagreement or frustration over ski boots is not the end of the world. But I believe that getting it right in the small inconsequential moments in life is the key to having succcess in the moments that really matter.

Why are we paying for anything?

A few months ago I returned a rug to Home Depot. After a couple of weeks of having it in our bedroom we decided that we didn’t like the look or feel, so we returned it. Home Depot issued us a refund, and told me they were going to destroy it. The rug was new, but they decided it was easier to destroy it then put it back on the floor. The rug cost $250.

For Christmas my sister-in-law ordered my fiancé and I a karaoke machine. But after ordering it she realized it was the wrong one, so she logged back onto Amazon, cancelled the order, and ordered the correct one. They refunded her for the cancelled order, but sent both anyway and told her to keep them.

In Colorado and California I’ve volunteered with local food banks and food recovery organizations. Between them they recover millions of pounds of food each year, that would’ve otherwise ended up in the landfills. They distribute the food they recover to people suffering from food insecurity who are unable to buy enough groceries. The food being recovered is good quality food. Organic produce. Wild caught fish. Organic dry goods. Milk and eggs. Pork and beef.

Fifty percent or more of food in this country ends up in landfills. The waste starts on the farms, continues in restaurants and retail shops like grocery stores, and occurs the most in homes. 

So my question is, if all of these producers, manufacturers, and distributors are ok with just throwing away product, why not get organized and give it away? I know there’s a family who would love a $250 rug for their house. Or a karaoke machine for their kids. And most certainly everyone would love access to free nutritious food!

Or how about we get better at managing what ends up in our landfills so that we can lower prices by selling more product? I don’t know what the answer is, but I do know that more and more I wonder why I’m paying for anything.

In a society full of abundance waste is inevitable.

The Behavior of Change

Life is short, you have more time than you think.

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“You have to choose in order to decide”

That’s something that I’ve realized recently which is kind of a mind fuck. Life is short, but you have more time than you need. What does that mean? It means that you don’t have to rush. It means that you can take your time. It means that while we know our time on this earth is finite, it doesn’t necessitate rushing through life to get everything done, lest we miss out on the most important moments.

This idea has been kind of a revelation to me in recent years. For the first 30+ years of my life, and my 20s to early 30s in particular, I’ve viewed time as the ultimate enemy. And with time always seeming to pass by without stopping, I predicated myself on squeezing the most out of each moment, each day, and each week. Going slow, taking a break, was a waste from my perspective. The old saying “I’ll sleep when I’m dead” was something that replayed often in my mind. It didn’t make sense to take my time. Not when we all knew the same thing. That one day we’d run out of time and be dead.

In recent years though I started to realize how this self-imposed pressure to always be busy and to eek out as much work as possible, was actually to my detriment. In my personal life, it meant overlooking important things that people I loved were trying to tell me. From a physical perspective, it meant multiple injuries. And from my professional life, it meant never being able to accomplish any of the big things I dreamed of, because I was too quick to move on before ever finishing.

I also realized how this rush to complete task after task often meant incorrectly completing a task the first time, which caused me to go back and have to redo it. Wasting more time than if I had just taken my time and paid attention on the first attempt.

On the one hand, time is always running out, and it creates this immense amount of pressure to get everything done before it’s too late. But on the other hand, if all we do is rush through life, then we miss out on life itself.

But perhaps the biggest revelation has been as I’ve been looking back over the last 6 years of my life. Over those 6 years I never gave myself a break. I never even contemplated completely checking out, or completely disconnecting. If I did for say a month, 2 months, 3 months, or maybe even a year, I would’ve wasted so much time that I could have been busy working. That I could have been busy accomplishing my goals.

Well, the reality is that I never took any long period of disconnection over the last 6 years. I’ve risen early, and gone to bed the same. I’ve worked hard during the time I was awake, and focused on all the things I wanted to accomplish. I mostly put aside the beautiful and fun parts of life, because I viewed them as a distraction. But as I sit here 6 years later I wonder how much of a difference it really would’ve made. If I had actually taken the extra time. Slowed down. Picked my head up and looked around. How much different would the position I find myself in right now be? My guess, not much. In fact, I’m convinced that I would be even further ahead.

I listened to poet David Whyte recently on the Tim Ferriss show. He said that most people are 4 - 5 years behind their true self. I think over the last 6 that’s where I’ve been. So, this idea of living the slow life to take in more, and catching up to myself, is something I plan on using now and in the future. 

Website Idea

A website dedicated to showing repeating headlines throughout history to show people that were just living the same shit over and over again. I just saw this headline “Meghan Trainor Says Lifting Weights Helped Her Shed Pounds and Boost Energy Levels” and it made me think of it. How many times have I seen this headline before just replaced with someone else’s name? How is this news……. Please someone smack me. 😩  

Parting thought

The next time you start thinking about what you don’t want to do, try thinking about what it is that you do want to do, and do that. But don’t do nothing. 

The Behavior of Change

Thoughts and download from the week.

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Fearfulness is the most common state in a life that asks for no real change.

I’m going to try something new, and see if it works.

I’ve been thinking about something I heard on the podcast episode I shared last week. That is the idea that you can be happy, love yourself, and also be ruthlessly ambitious enough to accomplish your goals.

Elizabeth Gilbert tells a quick story about a guy who didn’t want to try her letters of love exercise because he thought it would make him weak. He thought that by showing himself love and compassion he would lose his drive, that chip on his shoulder, that he believed was the driving force behind his success.

I’ve feel that way too. Not necessarily in loving myself, although I could definitely benefit from more of that. But in my inability to take my foot off the gas. I hold this belief that if I slow down in any part of my life, that it’s going to create a ripple effect throughout every part of my life and ultimately lead to my demise. 

If I watch too much TV, or eat something I shouldn’t, skip a day of exercise, or don’t have a book I’m actively reading, that it’s going to be the beginning of the end of my dreams. That I’m going to slowly descend into some useless human being, incapable of anything.

But in reality the opposite is actually true. It’s the times when I’ve taken my foot off the gas that I’ve felt the best. It’s when my mind is clearest and my body feels most aligned, fit, and capable. And by contrast, when I’ve continued to push it, despite all of the signs from my mind, brain fog and agitation, and body, fatigue and pain, is when I accomplish the least, regardless of the fact that I’m doing the most.

So, to hear her tell this story really resonated with me, and I think it also ties well into a recent insight I had while my buddy was visiting me.

Almost a year ago my buddy got laid off. It was completely unexpected. When he called me to tell me I was in shock, and at a loss for words. He had worked for this company for at least as long as I’ve know him, going on six years, and he’s one of the smartest, most ambitious, experienced, and well educated friends I have. He is also, not surprisingly, Type A.

So in the year since his layoff he’s been busy trying to find a new job. But, through no fault of his own, he’s been unable to land one. So during his visit I asked him, “in retrospect, knowing now that you’d be 12 months out of having a job, and still looking, would you have spent the last 12 months doing anything differently? Would you have given yourself a break, eased off the pressure you’ve been putting on yourself, and enjoyed your time more, rather than staying busy?”

I asked him this question because it’s a question that I have wrestled with many times since leaving my well paying and rewarding, albeit stressful, job 6 years ago. And I still wrestle with it today. But hearing about his situation made me once again reassess my own. 

I could tell he didn’t like the question, and it made him uncomfortable because it forced him to question how he has been spending my time. Something I always question when it comes to my own life. But it’s an important question because it highlights the stress we put on ourselves as humans to be successful, even when nothing is wrong. It very much echoes the message that Robert M. Sapolsky tries to convey in Why Zebras Don’t Get Ulcers, and the message Boyd Varty shares in The Lion Trackers Guide to Life when he says, “no wild animal has ever taken part in a should.”

My friend and I are in the same situation in some respects, at least a it relates to the quality of our lives. Other than not having a job, and a steady income, not much has changed. We still eat the food we want to eat, live where we want, travel, have a roof over our head, a car to drive. For all intents and purposes, life is good. Yet we’re applying this relentless pressure to figure it out, not now, but yesterday.

The question of fulfillment and purpose always seems to come up, and with good reason. Figuring out how to spend your days when you have no “work” to go to can be difficult. It took me about two years to feel comfortable with it. But I’ve learned how to enjoy my days without work. I’ve settled into a good rhythm of activities that include exercise, reading, writing, volunteering, cooking, and now gardening, that I enjoy and keep me happy. I love my days.

But, despite that, the pressure is still on. I continue to pressure myself every day to figure it out, and work really hard to do so. That’s been my mentality for 6 years, and still, I haven’t figured it out. So maybe it’s time for a new approach. Back to Elizabeth Gilbert’s story.

What if instead of forcing myself to work and figure it out, I took the opposite approach. What if I fucked off when I wanted to fuck off. Watched TV during the day. Smoked weed when I wanted to smoke. Skipped workouts, and indulged in desserts when they called to me. What if I stayed up late, and slept in past the sunrise. Perhaps that’s been the problem. Perhaps that’s the love she speaks about that I’ve been denying myself, and it’s the reason I haven’t figured it out yet. Perhaps allowing myself that love, or level of comfort, rather than hindering my performance, like I believe it would, could be the catalyst to drive success.

In Tools of Titans Tim Ferriss talks about trying something new for 48 hours. He says, try it, and if it doesn’t work, you can always go back to your old ways. That same principle is something I’d been using even before reading his book. But hearing it from him has reinforced its practicality. So, that’s what I’m going to do.

Beth Lewis said in our class recently, “you can’t crush the gym, and life.” It’s true, and I’ve been trying to crush everything in my path. For once I’m going to take the opposite approach, and see where it takes me. Here’s to a new more lethargic way of being.

Informative podcast on chronic health in America, and the issues we face to fix it.

Joe Rogan #2210 - with Calley Means and Casey Means, MD - I don’t like listening to Calley Means. He’s a former political strategist and lobbyist for companies such as coco-cola. So I’ve ignored listening to anything he’s a part of, and it’s the reason I haven’t reads the book he co-wrote with his sister, Casey Means, MD, despite being very interested in what she has to say. I like Casey. She is one of the founders of Levels, the company I purchased my glucose monitor from earlier this year to experiment with. She’s a physician, a head and neck surgeon that left conventional healthcare to start her company and address the growing issue of metabolic health in this country, the root cause of most chronic disease. Metabolic disease is associated with mitochondrial dysfunction, and it’s believed that ultra-processed food, pesticides, plastics, and other toxins in our environment, in addition to the sedentary lifestyle most people live, is the cause of it. Levels, her company, is trying to change that. And after spending time on the dark side her brother is too.

Recently Casey and Calley were part of a panel of experts that included people like Jillian Michaels (her testimony is much see stuff), Max Lugavere, and Brigham Buehler, who testified in front of congress to sound the alarm about the growing health epidemic in this country and, more importantly, the cause of it.

I’m glad I put my dislike for Calley aside and listened to this one, because I learned a lot, and, the reality is, good on him for trying change the system.

I found this quote from Casey Means to be the most notable:

“Ultra-processed food is dead food” - Casey Means

Ultra-processed food, food that is stripped of all it’s nutrients and filled with harmful ingredients, now make up 70 percent of the calories consumed in this country. Casey nailed it with that quote. Far too many people are eating nutrition less food, and it’s a big part of the problem.

Book I’m Reading - Wildlife Wars

I picked this book up from one of the “free libraries” you see on the street. That was probably over a year ago but I just started reading it recently. I’m more than a third of the way through now, but these lines from the introduction had me reeled in from the jump. I would listen to anyone’s story who has the type of mind that sees the world in this way. It’s a great book, and Richard Leakey provides a great example of what being a leader should look like. One in which integrity and morals are not compromised. 

From the introduction: 

“Conservation of biodiversity may be a global imperative, but eating one cooked meal a day and drinking clean water are more basic to the survival of most of the world's population. Protecting elephants and conserving natural ecosystems remain my personal priorities. But I am not so sure this would be so were I ill, hungry, and living in despair. I enjoy fresh air, sunshine, and crisp starlit nights. I do so, however, knowing full well that when I need it I can find shelter. We must somehow find a way to provide for our own species if we are also to preserve others.”

“Clean air, clean water, plentiful forests, and a human population that is well fed, educated, and reasonably affluent is our goal in Kenya. Saving the elephants is symbolic—a means to achieve these greater objectives.”

This Weeks Harvest

Growing season is coming to an end but that doesn’t mean there isn’t abundance in our garden. In fact, a lot of our vegetable plants, especially our tomatoes, are thriving right now in the cooler Colorado temperatures. This week I spent a couple of days harvesting some vegetables, cleaning, and cooking them. Here are a few pictures of the haul.

Quarter Share Cow

Shout out to Lazy Acres Ranch and Butcher. This past week I picked up my quarter share of cow from them, and I got to it right away cooking up some of the goodness they supplied me with. The ribeye pictured below was particularly tasty, but the beef short ribs were out of this world. They were so good my girlfriend who is a reformed vegan that still struggles with eating meat ate two with her dinner. Here’s the recipe I used. Super basic and super tasty. I didn’t have fresh rosemary so I used some other dried herbs in my cabinet, and I used chopped white onion in place of onion powder. The ribs were melt in your mouth delicious.

$1,250 for 100 lbs of pastured raised beef that comes from a ranch 2 hours away. I bought a freezer for just this purpose, and now I get to walk into my garage and pick out whatever cuts I want. It’s a beautiful thing.

Trail Run

Parmalee, Devil's Elbow and Castle Trail

Miles - 5.2

Elevation gain - 889 ft

This was my favorite trail run since moving to Colorado. Mostly single track, with plenty of tree coverage, and challenging elevation at points. The parking was easy and the trail wasn’t overly crowded at 10 am on a Wednesday. I also enjoyed not seeing one cyclist. Of all the trails I’ve run so far, this is one that I could see myself repeating again and again.

The Behavior of Change

Sunday Scaries. Thoughts and download from the week.

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Grasshoppers

I learned that grasshoppers have a gear like mechanism in their legs that enables them to jump. Facts like these remind me why it’s important to question everything. In all my years of life, I never considered that the use of gears was not unique to humans. For 37 years I’ve been walking around misinformed. What other information am I taking at face value in my life? Where else am I holding onto a belief based on wrong information or information I have yet to learn? These are the types of questions I like to ask myself, and every time I learn something new, like this, it reminds me that there is still so much I don’t know, and everything should be questioned.

Enjoy your health

I was listening to a podcast recently with two nutritionists discussing diet, exercise, and health. I’m a big fan of the guest, the reason I tuned in, but the host I’d never heard of. I’ll call her Mary.

Mary said a lot of things that I didn’t agree with. I didn’t like her choice of words, or the message she was conveying. Fortunately she was sharing the stage with someone who knew what they were talking about so she was able to correct her.

But the thing that really bothered me was her insinuation that eating “healthy,” akakthe real way to eat, was boring. My god, if this lady is your nutritionist, then I feel really bad for you.

The way she said it, insinuated that things like fast food, take out, or frozen meals, were exciting. There is nothing exciting about any of those. Particularly when they make up the majority of your diet. They are poison, and are only appealing because they are cheap, accessible, and convenient.

A rancher at a conference a few weeks ago said, “our addiction to convenience is killing us.” He’s right.

If this lady knew anything about food, nutrition, or cooking, then she would know that there is nothing more exciting then stepping into your kitchen, opening the refrigerator, looking in the pantry, peaking around in the spice cabinet, and figuring out what ingredients you have and what you can make from them. Deciding what to eat based on how you’re feeling that day, or what your activity level was, and then catering a meal to those needs.

That’s fun, and exciting.

If you don’t have time to cook, let’s work on finding the time. If you can’t afford to grocery shop and cook healthy foods, let’s figure out ways to make cooking affordable and accessible. 

But please, for the love of god, don’t fucking tell me that eating healthy is boring. Yes, I crave foods from time to time that are outside of my repertoire of cooking skills and ingredient list, but those instance are few and far between. I prepare very close to every meal I eat during the week, and I enjoy the hell out of 99 percent of them.

After you’ve eaten this way for long enough, you learn what you like, what you don’t, what tastes good, and what doesn’t, and you learn how to make what you want and need. I’ve gotten to the point where eating out has become the disappointing thing to do. I typically leave a meal out thinking, “I should’ve just eaten at home.” 

Eating healthy is only boring when you don’t know what you’re doing. And clearly Mary doesn’t have a clue.

Lawn

I never mow the lawn in the same pattern. I mowed the lawn today, differently from two weeks ago, which was different from the two weeks before that. 

Today I split the front lawn down the middle length wise, and then attacked each half individually. Usually I start on the perimeter, ride the edge, and then form a pattern from there. Sometimes going in a circle. Sometimes focusing on each quadrant individually. Other times just completely making it up as I go, probably looking like a mad man, or someone who has never mowed the lawn before (both could be true).

In the back I started with what I’d describe as a candy cane shape. I took the long far side first, which is in the shape of a candy cane, and followed that to the end. I kept that pattern going back and forth. It was fun to be mowing in that shape, and it actually turned out to be pretty efficient. It was probably the fastest I’ve got done mowing since we moved in.

But the thing is, when I look at my neighbors lawns, all I see is straight rows. They look like they’re so methodical about it. They have a set pattern. They know the most efficient way, and they know what they want their lawn to look like, and so they’ve adopted the same pattern over and over.

When their lawn is mowed, it looks orderly and clean. The way my rug looks after I’ve vacuumed it. Whereas mine kind of looks like my hair after I’ve just given myself a haircut.

But, the more fascinating thing I’ve realized lately, is that I’ve been using the weed whacker incorrectly for the last 3.5 months. Since June I’ve struggled trying to figure out the best angle, and height, to keep the thread at so that it edges properly. But I couldn’t figure it out. Last time I edged the lawn I switched hand positions [read: non-dominant dominant]. I put the handle of the edger in my right hand, and used my left as the guide. Switching hands turned me in the opposite direction. Come to find out, that’s the direction the edger is supposed to face. Nothing wrong with my technique, per se, just holding the tool backwards. Even edger’s are apparently made for righties.

Where else in my life am I struggling because I’m holding the tool backwards?

My role

Recently I’ve been thinking about the role I play in a given situation. In particular unsuccessful ones. The easiest example is like when an unintended emotional trigger gets pulled in either my girlfriend or I, and we delve into an argument. In those situations, even if she’s wrong [;)], once things have cooled off I like to ask myself “What role did I play in the descent into chaos? How could a different action, word, facial expression, or body position, have changed the outcome of that conversation?” And then I try to remember that for the next time.

Which means, in order to be effective, I also have to figure out the signs that things are about to get hairy. Is there a certain feeling I can identify that gets triggered before an argument happens? Is there certain body language or words that she starts to use that I could look out for that’ll signal what’s to come, and trigger me to change my approach? What are those signs, and can I remember to change my actions and reactions in time to save the conversation, and ultimately our day.

What role can I play to improve outcomes, even if it means sacrificing how I “feel?”

Something to listen to

Elizabeth Gilbert — How to Set Strong Boundaries, Overcome Purpose Anxiety, and Find Your Deep Inner Voice (#770) - If you’re a male listening to this, and it feels to feminishy, just give it a chance. Actually, if you feel that way, it’s probably a sign you should keep listening. For awhile I’ve believed that to be your best self you need to be your unapologetically real self, and that’s what she talks about. At least that’s my interpretation. And while I haven’t achieved that yet, it’s a great conversation that gives you permission to pursue it.

The Joe Rogan Experience - #2207 Shawn Ryan - I just enjoyed this conversation because Shawn Ryan really seems like a down to earth guy whos curious about life and what’s going on. There is no agenda. Much like Rogan. Their conversation spans across multiple topics and I thought Shawn brought a really good perspective to just about everything discussed.

Runs and Hikes

Eldorado Canyon State Park - Continental Divide Overlook via Fowler to Rattlesnake Gulch Loop - This was harder than I anticipated when I set out for my run. I don’t know if it was just the heat, or what, but it wrecked me. It’s a steady gain all the way to the top, which makes for a pleasant descent. I liked how accessible the trail is, and the views are beautiful. I ran it during the week and there was very little traffic on the trail. Parking was also a breeze.

Rocky Mountain National Park - Sky Pond, The Loch, and Timberline Falls, via Glacier Gorge Loop - This was my first trip back to Rocky Mountain NP in over 5 years, and a lot has changed. In 2019 I hiked to Sky Pond. I was able to easily park at the Bear Lake Trail. On this trip we needed a time entry permit, and when we got to the Bear Lake Trail lot we were turned around by park rangers because the lot was full. We parked about a mile from the trail head, turning our 10 mile hike into 12 miles. Sky Pond is beautiful, but the park and route felt like an amusement park, with scores of people everywhere. If you’re looking for a more wild experience, I’d recommend heading somewhere else.

Golden Gate Canyon State Park - Panorama Point via Mule Deer and Raccoon Trail - Golden Gate Canyon has become one of my favorite places to hike and run. It’s accessible, beautiful, and not overly crowded. Most trails also have a lot of coverage from the sun, like this one. Views are beautiful and the trails are well maintained. I highly recommend this park.

Things that stuck with me

“We always talk about learning disabilities, but we never talk about teaching disabilities”

Financial Advice: Step 1

A friend of mine reached out to me recently. They received an inheritance from a family member, and didn’t know what to do with the money, and asked me for advice.

Right away my brain went to “well you have to diversify,” “you should look into ETFs,” “if the market returns 8% on average per year then, over the course of 10 years, you’ll have X more dollars,” and lastly, “well, we don’t know what the fed is going to do, but if they start cutting interest rates this year…blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.”

But I stopped myself, because I realized for the first time in my adult life that information wasn’t going to be helpful in getting him to act. It was only going to fill his brain with information he didn’t know what to do with (for now), and likely cause paralysis by analysis.

So, instead I asked, “Where is your money right now, and do you know what percent interest you’re receiving? Is it close to 5%?”

He replied, “more like less than 1%.”

So, I told him to open a Wealthfront account, which is where I keep a rainy day fund, and that he’d get 5.5% interest for 3 months (promotional boost), and then 5% after that, as long as interest rates hold. I said transfer your money there, and once that’s done, let me know and we’ll talk about other ideas.

With his account open I suggested the following steps: 

1. As long as you’re getting 4-5% in the Wealthfront high yield savings account, keep as much money there as you want. Free interest money. 

2. Open a Fidelity account, so when you’re ready to start investing in the stock market, you can easily do it. Link your Wealthfront account to your Fidelity account so you can easily transfer money. 

3. Open a Fundrise account. Fundrise is a crowd sourced real estate investment platform. You can pick a real estate portfolio that spreads your money out across a wide range of properties to spread your exposure and reduce your risk. It’s one way to diverse into real estate. Open an account here and link it to your Wealthfront and your Fidelity account so you can easily move money between all of them. 

After that, it gets a little personal.

It was kind of an eye opening experience for me. Because in that moment I realized the way I usually give advice is not helpful. It doesn’t help facilitate action. It’s really just the passing of information, which, for a first timer of any discipline, is overwhelming.

It’s reminiscent of two things that have recently popped up in my life.

At a recent Advancing Food is Medicine event, hosted by ThinkRegeneration, Dr. Nasha Winters had just finished presenting and was taking questions. She was asked, “how do you get patients who don’t like to eat whole foods to start to change their habits?”

Her reply to those patients is, “Let’s talk about what you do eat, not what you don’t, and build on that.”

In The Lion Trackers Guide to Life, by Boyd Varty says, “In the hour and a half it took us to find the lion, I couldn’t make out one clear track. Where else in my life was there a path that I was missing? The implications felt profound.”

This experience made me question where else in my life I might be missing the real question, the right answer, and therefore, failing to help people.

Dominant and Non-Dominant Movement

Do you ever use your non-dominant hand for a regular activity? I once heard that some insanely high percentage of the population (90%?) only use one hand to brush their teeth.

When I heard that I immediately saw an opportunity to gain an edge. If most of the population is only brushing their teeth with one hand, then if I can use both, I’ve got an edge.

Soon after applying this idea to brushing, I started applying it to all aspects of my life. Whenever I’m involved in a dominant side activity, like, say, shoveling dirt, which has become a regular activity in my life recently, I try to use both hands. I switch sides enough to give each a 50 percent share. I don’t know how many other people think about this or do this, but I think it makes sense.

I do it while brushing my teeth, gardening, walking up steps, or picking something off the ground. I’ll catch myself reaching with my right (dominant hand), and I’ll immediately pull it back and go for my left. Got to keep it balanced.

But more balance and an edge, what I’ve noticed is that every time I assign a difficult task to my non-dominant side, I end up learning something new about the technique that improves my movement. It’s like, my dominant side has become so strong, that it’s able to cover up little deficiencies in my form by use of pure strength. The muscle memory and movement pattern on my dominant side is etched in stone, making it difficult to notice inefficiencies or to correct for incorrect movement.

But when I use my non-dominant side, I’m forced to take it slower, and in moving slower I notice things. Like how I need to grip the bucket handle tighter. Or an easier way to dig a hole. My non-dominant side doesn’t have the strength to just power through, so instead it relies on proper technique. Forcing slower (and awkward) movements, to make sure that there are no breaks in the chain. Otherwise my work will be ineffective and I could get hurt.

The movement pattern on my non-dominant side is also in it’s infancy, so it’s more malleable. I’m able to make changes on the fly without resistance. I’m then able to mimic those movements with my dominant side, and add technique to strength.

If you don’t ever switch sides, I encourage you to do it. Start with brushing your teeth, and see where else in your life it starts to pop up. I know it might seem silly, but progress in life is made up of small changes that most people would never notice.

How many email newsletters do you get per week?

When I’m out I have a bad habit of looking over people’s shoulders to see what they’re doing on their phones. There are the obvious and common things, like scrolling through social media. There are maybe the not so obvious things, like frantically switching between apps looking for a way to distract themselves. But the thing that I notice most often, and the thing that surprises me the most, is how many unnecessary emails fill up peoples inboxes.

I’ve seen it over and over again, people scrolling through their personal email, deleting 10, 30, 40, 50 unread emails. Psychologically and physiologically I assume receiving an email is akin to the feeling you get when someone likes your post, or follows you, or comments something nice on your picture. But, like social media, it is such a waste of time. It’s noise to your brain.

The number of emails you get, like the amount of sleep you don’t get, has become a badge of honor. I have so many friends and family members say, “I didn’t see that email. I’ve just got too many to sort through.”

When I started working in 2009 as a financial analyst, the only work I had came from my boss, our CFO. If he was busy, or out, and I finished my project, I would sit and wish I had something to do. I would wish to have an inbox full of emails from people requesting information. I wished that for a long time until I finally got it. Towards the end of my career I would receive 100 - 200 emails per day. There was just no way to keep up. Being unable to answer everyone instilled a feeling of chaos, inadequacy, and failure into my days, and I grew to hate it.

Now that I don’t have a 9 - 5 job, and my personal email is all I have to manage, I do my best to keep my inbox clean. I always keep my inbox below 10 emails, ideally less than 5. After 3 - 5 days of an email sitting in my inbox there are only three options:

• Respond

• File it

• Delete it

When it comes to newsletters, promotional emails, and other “email subscriptions,” I make it a regular habit to unsubscribe right away to anything I know is not going to be of any value to me. I’m not using the promotions, so why am I giving these companies access to my conscious? I no longer enjoy that newsletter, so why am I allowing it to continue to hit my inbox?

Once I realize that the email has no utility in my life, I remove it.

Time is our most precious commodity. And our time is becoming more and more hijacked the further technology advances. Cleaning out your inbox is a simple and effective way to take time back, and de-clutter your brain.

Quick Survey - Please post responses in the comments:

How many email newsletters do you get per week?

0 - 5?

6 - 10?

10 - 15?

15 - 20?

>20?

How many do you read, in full, before deleting?

0 - 5?

6 - 10?

10 - 15?

15 - 20?

>20?

How many promotional emails do you get per week?

0 - 5?

6 - 10?

10 - 15?

15 - 20?

>20?

How many promotions have you take advantage of in the past month?

0 - 5?

6 - 10?

10 - 15?

15 - 20?

>20?

How many promotions have you take advantage of in the past year?

0 - 5?

6 - 10?

10 - 15?

15 - 20?

>20?

How many emails do you get to your personal email each day?

0 - 10?

11 - 20?

21 - 50?

51 - 100?

>100?

What’s the one thing you’re ignoring that you know you need to do?

And what are you doing to change that?

What is the one thing that you have been putting off doing for a long time? Say, greater than or equal to 3 months. What is that one thing on your mind that you keep brushing off as unnecessary, but always comes back? It doesn’t matter why you’re not doing it. It could be because you’re afraid. Because it might be expensive. Because you’re scared of the outcome. It could be you don’t know how to do it. No one ever showed you how. You don’t know what the first step looks like. It could be something that puts you out of your way. Or conjures up feelings of anxiety. Or you think is going to be a hassle to do. It doesn’t matter how big or small, and it doesn’t matter what’s stopping you. What is that one thing? And what are you doing to change that?

Something small: We’ve been talking about buying a freezer for the basement since we moved into our house in June. Jen and I both want more room to store stuff throughout the winter. I also would like to buy certain foods, like meat and frozen fruit, in bulk to save money. But, I’ve been procrastinating for a few reasons. First, since moving our monthly expenses have doubled as we buy stuff we need to get settled. And I thought this was an expense we could at least push off, and help spread out our spend. Second, I’m not sure which size to get, where I want to buy it, or what brand. Should I buy it new, or find a used one on a marketplace like Craigslist, and save some money? More of an excuse that could be decided with a little research. But, I’ve nevertheless just been stalling.

Something big: In 2020 while sitting home like everyone else I got my personal training certification. Fitness is the thing I know and love, so it made sense to pursue some type of career in this industry. Becoming a personal trainer also made sense because there are such low barriers to entry. And as I approach year 6 of being “unemployed” it’s felt like a good entry point. But it is now 2024, and I have yet to train one person. I go back and forth in my head of whether or not I actually want to train people one on one. On the one hand, I envision this great little business where I have a bunch of awesome clients who I get to help and share all of my knowledge of health and fitness with. And they in turn share their experiences with me and help me grow. On the other hand, I envision being drained of my energy by needy clients who don’t follow what I tell them to do. Feeling like a constant nag. In one vision I love it, and in the other I hate it. And the result is zero progress.

I’ve made two small commitments to try and turn inaction into action.

The freezer: Two weeks ago I took a drive to a small town in the mountains near our home. I didn’t have anything to do and there was a small food coop, so I popped in to see what they have (I can’t resist a good hippie owned food store). They had these frozen sockeye salmon filets that were the most beautiful things I’d seen when it comes to frozen fish. I bought one and cooked it for the first time the other day, and I immediately knew I wanted to have these all the time. So, I went onto the distributors website and found that the only option was a 25 lb case of frozen fillets. I ordered them. I now NEED a freezer before they arrive.

Personal training: A couple of months ago Jen and I got the idea that we should start a small gardening company. So, I immediately when onto Canva to design and order business cards. They arrived quickly and Jen posted a handful on the bulletin board at the garden center where she works. Two weeks ago we got our first job, and subsequently handed out more cards. I realized that without something tangible, this was just an idea. But once we got the business cards it felt real and like we were committed to making it happen. So, last week I went back onto Canva to design and order business cards for my personal training practice. They arrived two days ago. Now it feels real. Now it feels like I’m committed. If I don’t follow through and hand them out, it will only be because I’m afraid to. And I have a rule in life. When something feels scary, it’s usually the thing I should be doing.

I have this theory that I feel like cant just be a theory. It’s that most of us have one or two things on our mind that we need to do and we’re not doing. One or two things that are in our way, and preventing us from reaching our full potential. They could be really small, like say going to the DMV to get your license or car registration renewed. Or they could be really big, like staying at your job that you hate. But, I want to focus on the small stuff because I think that’s the stuff that clogs up our lives the most.

There’s two things that I always think about. First, until I do that “thing” (i.e. go to the DMV), I won’t have room for the next thing to enter my conscious. So, I’ll be stuck on “DMV.” The second is more conscious. If you can’t take yourself to get to the DMV, then what are the chances you’re going to leave your job. On a sub-conscious level, if you can’t do the small thing, there’s no way you’ll have the confidence to do the big one.

I believe that within all of us a path has been laid that will lead us to our greatest potential. And I think it’s guided by our intuition. There’s a quote I heard for the first time recently, but now keeps showing up in my life.

“What you seek is seeking you” - Rumi. I believe that to be true.

Our intuition is that nagging voice that keeps reminding us of the things we need to do. Our resistance is the second voice we hear, filling our head with excuses and reasons not to listen to our intuition. And every time we get hung up on a task, it prevents us from moving forward on our path.

Our intuition isn’t always right. The path isn’t straight. But it’s the best guide we have to living our best life and reaching our full potential.

Spoken & Unspoken Lessons in My Rehab

You know the most important thing in my rehab journey has been something that my therapist said to me, rather than something he did to me or for me. On one of my very first visits he told me, “I don’t want you to be a repeat customer. I don’t want you coming back to me in 6 months, a year. You have to do the work in between sessions to get better.”

It was a pretty obvious thing to understand once he said it, but shamefully not something that I really thought about before that.

Even after my injury I continued to exercise regularly, and I figured that at some point I would be able to work through the injury, fix it, and get rid of the pain. So, that’s what I did. But, it didn’t work.

During that time I went to a handful of different doctors, physical therapists, chiropractors, and more, looking for the answer. Each in their own way pushed me along on my journey. Some were really good and guided me towards thing I should be doing. Other were not so good and I took their advice as things to avoid.

But throughout all of those visits, I really thought one of them was going to have the magic bullet. That at the first, second, or third visit they’d be able to pop something back in place, release a tense muscle, or do something else that was going to get me back to 100 percent in an instant.

In a way it’s made me understand how people look for the magic pill in fitness. In their health. When it comes to exercise and diet. There just feels like there has to be something that will make everything the way I want it. Now.

But injuries and fitness have that in common. The only thing that works in the long term is consistency. And that’s what my therapist highlighted for me, and that’s what I’ve been practicing ever since. And while I’m still not 100 percent, I am firmly in grasp of healing.

Another thing my therapist gave me was permission. Permission to dig deep into my muscle and tendons even if it was uncomfortable. Permission to contort my body into odd ways to alleviate my pain and improve my range of motion.

Before he unknowingly gave me this permission I would often stop just short of getting into a position that would’ve been beneficial to my rehab for fear of re-injuring myself. But the exercises he gave me to do pushed those limits, and when I did them and realized they were helping, and not hurting, it allowed me to push a little further.

The last thing I would say is that it is also important to be doing the right exercises. When you’re talking about being consistent, one of the key elements that almost ensures consistency, is progress. If you’re seeing progress, you are much more likely to continue. And of course the opposite is true. If you’re not seeing progress, then you’re unlikely to continue.

The exercises he gave me helped. I felt physically better, and that feeling encouraged me to continue.

Some lessons are taught. Some are spoken. Some were not even meant to be lessons. You have to be on the lookout for all of them.

Mismanaged Moments

I think it’s important to realize that we have more time than we think. Not in life, but in moments throughout our life. We’re always rushing between tasks, afraid that if we take that extra second, everything will go to shit. But when you don’t take that extra second to tell your girlfriend she’s beautiful, or you rush through a meal, is precisely when shit starts to fall a part. Our lives are filled with mismanaged moments that we have the time for.

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The thing I lie the most about is my job. What I do for work, which is another way of asking “how do you make money?” I hate being asked this question, because I don’t have a formal source of income, and I hate telling people that.

To me, when someone hears that I’m not working, haven’t worked in 6 years, and I’m under 40, they either think I’m rich, or that I live on a trust fund or some form of inheritance. No one has ever said that, but that’s my suspicion. Something on their face gives me that feeling.

So, more often than not, I lie. And, depending on who it is, depends on the lie.

If it’s a service man, like an electrician, the internet guy, or a furniture delivery, I usually say I’m a healthcare consultant. Which to me, isn’t totally a lie. In my head its true. Even though I don’t actually do consulting work in healthcare, I could. I have the experience.

But, if I’m talking to a more fitness or outdoor focused person, say someone I met on a hike, I usually say I work in fitness, without much description. To which most people just assume I mean personal trainer. Which, again, I could be. I have the certification, and I definitely have the experience. But, I’m not a personal trainer.

But in situations when there’s a good chance I’m going to see the person again, I tell them at least part of the truth. “I’m not working right now,” is a response I like to give. Which, prompts two responses. Person A assumes I got laid off, and gives me an empathic “sorry” look. Person B thinks I’m just starting a sabbatical, puts on a big smile, and says “thats awesome, good for you.”

Rarely ever do I tell anyone that it’s been 6 years since I held a formal full-time job. People’s heads explode. They’re not sure how to process someone not working that’s under the age of 40. Some people throw a look of “lazy generation.” Others, genuine disappointment. But some people are genuinely excited for you.

And to those people, I’ll tell the whole truth

It’s harder than you might think to not work for 6 years in your 30s. To not get sucked back up into the beast to chase money and promotions. But what’s harder is the feeling of being judged for it. No one could understand my reasons. I barely can. So, I’d rather keep them to myself.

But just today I realized at least in part why I never worked while I was living in Los Angeles. Because although I thought that’s why I was going there, what I realize now is that working was not the reason. The reason I went to Los Angeles was to find myself. To explore unhindered by responsibility, accountable to no one by myself, and see what happens. See if out alone in the world I sank, or swam, and the type of person I became. That was my job during those three years.

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There is no good or bad advice. But the problem with advice is that it’s usually something that worked for that person. And since it worked for them, we assume it’ll work for us. And when it doesn’t, we mark it as a failure, and assume again, but this time that we are not capable.

Not realizing that there is a path out there for us, and we have to keep searching. Even if its not their path, you have one. And in the search for your path, you learn things.

You learn what you like, and what you don’t. What you’re good ati, and what you’re not. What frustrates you, or makes you feel angry, and about makes you hpayy and feel joyous.

And you go through your day getting rid of the bad, to make more room for the good. And thats your path to glide towards on you’re way to everything you ever wanted.

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I think the thing that’s been interesting me the most recently is this behavior we all have where we shut down our thoughts. We say we want to do something, and then right behind it we blurt out an excuse not to. “I’m just going to get a canned response anyway. Better not to send my feedback.”

We all do it all the time. I’ve been doing it for awhile, and I still do it a lot. But accepting my first voice, is a practice that I continue to work on.

Listen to the people around you. Listen to them tell you about something you want, and then just as quickly shut it down. Then listen to yourself the next time you tell yourself you want something. And pay attention to the thought right after it. A reason not to.

It’s been fascinating to me because I’ve learned that when I’m listening to that first voice. That first gut reaction. My instinct. I flow from one thing to the next without hesitation. But the second I interrupt it, its like a train wreck with a 200 car pileup. Everything after it becomes seemingly more difficult.

I used to think that once that train rolled off the tracks that that was it. That was my fate for the rest of the day. The week. Sometimes the month, as one challenging thing after the next would pop up. But I’ve also learned that it’s possible to put the train back on the tracks.

And all it takes is putting a stake in the ground, and declaring that from this moment forward, you’re going to follow that voice. And it all falls back in line.

If you have no idea what I’m talking about, just observe the people around you. Observe your own thoughts. See if you can notice some sort of self-limiting talk keeping people from pursuing what they want.

But that’s why everyone needs at least one person in their life who tells them to go for it. And not in the way that your mom might say, “yea, you should do it.” But in a way that makes you believe it’s possible. Maybe it’s a close friend. A business partner. Your significant other. Everyone needs an advocate. A supporter, that tells them why they HAVE to do it, and WHY they CAN.

But I’ve realized with myself that the reason I often dismiss that first voice is because of fear. I don’t trust myself. I don’t trust that the advice I’m giving me is the right thing for me. That there is probably something I should be doing (that “should” word again. A bad word in my vocabulary). So, I push that voice aside and think about what I should be doing, which never works out well.

If I instead tell myself to have confidence. To believe in myself that I do know what’s best for me. That I can make it happen, and that the path being laid out by my intuition is the right one, then more often than not I find success, OR I can pivot quickly towards success.

Because let’s face it. Intuition isn’t 100% correct. Nothing is 100% correct in life. But it’s right more often than it’s not, and when you’re dialed into it, even if it leads you down the wrong path, you’re able tap into it fast and say “how do we get out of here.”

There’s No Way to Guarantee Success

But you can give yourself the best shot.

A few years ago a buddy invited me to attempt a summit of Mt. Rainier in Washinngton State. I said yes without hesitation. But I knew nothing about the adventure that lied ahead.

It turns out that at 14,410 ft Mt. Rainier is one of the highest mountains in the lower 48 states, is the most glaciated peak in the contiguous U.S., and it is therefore one of the more technically difficult to climb.

One of our guides said that she thinks it’s more challenging than Mt. Everest which stands at over 29,000 ft. I knew none of this.

When I agreed to join my assumption was that we would be doing something akin to the backpacking trip that my buddy and I had met on a couple of years earlier. That was a 7-day trek around Torres del Paine national park in Patagonia. I found out quickly that this trip would not be at all like that.

When you’re attempting to summit a mountain peak like Mt. Rainier there’s a lot you need to know. You need to understand how to walk in crampons over glacier crevasses. You need to know proper ice axe arrest technique to prevent yourself from falling off the mountain cliff, and dragging down everyone with you in the process. And you need to understand how to hike through glacier, ice, and rock while tethered to other people, with a pack on.

That’s the real life saving stuff, and speaks nothing to the challenge of hiking at elevation with 30 - 40 lbs on your back. Proper nutrition and hydration. Sleeping in a tent in freezing cold conditions. Pooping in a bag for two days while your privates are exposed to snow and the cold. 

This is all a long way of saying that success, getting to the peak, relies on a lot going right. And it relies heavily on having the proper mindset.

After the challenge in front of us became clear, my buddy and I were talking about it a couple of nights before over dinner. He said something to the effect of “do you think we’ll make it to the top?” To which I replied, “what other choice do we have?”

A few days later I was one of two people from the group who made it to the top. A lot had to go right. In addition to everything mentioned above I was lucky to be coming off a 6 week cycling challenge that put me in some of the best shape of my life. That challenge, along with a couple of years of endurance racing experience, had taught me about nutrition and hydration, and how to push past physical limitations.

But I can’t help but think that having the mindset of “what other choice do we have?” played the most important role for me. Climbing Mt. Rainier was one of the most challenging things I have ever done in my life, and there were many instances where I stopped and asked myself “what the fuck am I doing here?” But each time I made sure to follow it up with “getting to the top.”

It’s not that I didn’t have doubt, pains, fears, or concerns, because I had all of those in spades. But I never allowed them to take a permanent or even long term residence in my mind. All of these doubts and feelings were quickly cast aside by the positive thought of having no choice but making it to the top.