The Behavior of Change
Be careful of thinking its just the way you are
When I was working I used to wake up at 5 am so that I could be at the gym by 5:30 am when they opened. I wanted to get my workout in, shower, and be sitting at my desk no later than 8 am with my breakfast. I prided myself on being one of the first ones in the office. When I started training for my first Ironman I woke up at 4 am to meet my team for training.
After following this routine for 10 years I had convinced myself that I was someone that needed to work out first thing. And in some ways I did. Because when I didn’t, my mood suffered and my days were chaotic. Schizophrenic even. My mind couldn’t focus. I had become so programmed to that routine, and believed so deeply that I needed to workout that early.
In 2018 I left my job, and despite not having a job to get to, a desk to fill, I continued waking up at 5 am - 6 am just to workout. It’s been six years since I’ve held a formal 9 - 5 office job, but it’s only been recently that I’ve been working on de-programming myself. For a couple of years I’ve realized that I’d prefer to sleep in and spend my mornings writing and reading with a cup of coffee. And that I feel so much better when I workout in the afternoon. But I was so resistant to changing because I feared that if I did, my days would be ruined.
I’m just someone that needs to start my day with a workout. I can’t miss it. And that belief kept me from doing what actually wanted to do. It kept me from listening to my intuition telling me “that’s not us.”
That’s just one example, but I havre many more throughout my life, as I’m sure you do.
I never believed I was the type of person to get married, until I met my girlfriend, who’s now my fiancé.
I never enjoyed the taste, texture, smell, or look of mushrooms, until I listened to a 3 hour podcast with mycology expert Paul Stamets, and I learned all about the health benefits of eating mushrooms.
There’s so many beliefs we tell ourselves that never allow us to get better. I can’t control my temper, I’m just an angry person. I can’t be happy, I’m just a depressed person. I can’t invest my money, I’m just not analytical.
My grandmother used to always say “I’m just a scary person.” Her way of saying she was afraid of everything. Afraid of strangers. Afraid of being alone. Afraid that something would happen to her kids, her grandkids, her husband. When she was a child her mother passed away, and she was left with her father and step brother. I never met her father, but by all accounts he was a miserably and shitty fucking person who treated my grandmother like shit. And her brother, who suffered from seizures, was no better. Living in a house with these two was definitely scary. So it is no wonder why my grandmother was a “scary person.” She was raised to be.
I’m sure there is something in your life, a situation where you realized that the way you thought you were wasn’t true. Something changed that caused you to realize it. Maybe something happened at work. Or with your parents. Or while reading a book. Or on a trip to a new place. Maybe a podcast on mushrooms like me. It’s happened to all of us. Understand that that is true of almost everything you believe about yourself. That nothing about your behavior or actions is set in stone. That your habits and routines, your likes and silks, are all subject to change, and you can change them.
My good buddy has the best saying. He’s a guy who’s competed in a handful of full distance triathlons (Ironmans). He and I cycled thousands of miles together all over California. Whenever someone says “I can’t do _____,” he says, “not with that attitude you can’t.” Believe you can and you will.
What do you believe about yourself that might not be true? What new information would make you believe change is possible?