Perspective

When we moved into our house last year our neighbor came over to see what we had done to the backyard. On the walk back she commented about how much she hated the ground cover that lined the path on the side of our house. She had the same ground cover, but she ripped it up a few years ago because she was gardening one day and found a snake.

“A rattlesnake?” I asked.

Both my neighbor and my fiancee tst tsted me and said, in almost unison, “Of course not!”

Well if it wasn’t a rattlesnake, and therefore not threatening, then why did it leave such an impression, and why even mention it…

It’s a fascinating story to me about perspective. To me, a garden snake is not worth mentioning or even remembering, unless it was in the context of sharing the good news that we have another animal living in our garden. But to someone with a fear of snakes, albeit an irrational one as garden snakes are harmless, it is a tale of caution, and a reason to destroy the snake’s home.

And it is that same irrational fear that the people in charge play on to convince us that our wars, operations, and conflicts are just. Only it’s not snakes were told to be afraid of, it’s certain people and races. And an irrational fear of people is sometimes all a person needs to decimate their lives.

What’s the point?

That’s the question I have been asking myself a lot lately when things aren’t going as anticipated.

Take a recent ski trip for example. It’s coming to the end of the ski season in Colorado, so my fiance and I planned a trip to the mountains. The goal was to get there early and ski from first to last chair. But that’s not how it went.

We got a late start. We got into a fight the night before (over what I can’t even remember), and it ruined our night and pushed out bedtime back a couple of hours. And we both slept horribly, so we woke up late.

We didn’t get on the road until about 10 am (first chair is 9 am and we live, without traffic, 90 minutes from the mountain). We hit traffic almost immediately, and ended up at a dead stop for 45 minutes. Fortunately after we got moving again it was clear sailing. However, we it wasn’t until around 1 pm that we put in our first run.

To make a bad situation worse, it was spring break, so the mountain was packed, and lift lines were very long. It was 20 - 30 minutes between each run. By last chair at 4 pm we had put in no more than 5 runs. Not a very productive day. Not the day we had planned.

But what was the actual point of our trip? While the original intention was to get in one last full day of skiing before the season ended, wasn’t there another secondary reason that we planned this trip? An underlying reason for everything we do together. That’s what I started asking myself as we sat in traffic after leaving our house.

The point was as much about spending time together doing something fun, as it was about skiing. And once I began to see our day in that light, all of the stress of our fight the night before, the late start, traffic, and busy chair lifts started to roll off. It no longer mattered how much skiing we got in or what time we got to the mountain. What mattered was that we had the day to ourselves. We had the day together.

Perspective is such a powerful thing! It can literally turn what would normally have been a disappointing and stressful day into a great day together, despite none of my previous expectations being met. I think there’s always a view that we can take to make any situation better. It is not always easy to see, but I’ve been trying more and more to find that perspective shifting why. And the more I search for it, the easier it becomes to see. 

Perspective is Everything

SPOILER ALERT

It’s day 2 of Alone, Australia 2023 (new on Netflix), and 3 people have already gone home. One due to illness, two by their own choice. 

On night one it rained, soaking the camps of all 10 contestants, and dousing their fires and the surrounding areas. For most of the contestants it was just an unfortunate way to start a very difficult challenge. After getting setup on day 1, night 1, they had to spend day 2 starting over. Not a good use of energy or time when calories are limited and day light is always working against you. But for most of them after a moment of acknowledging their wet clothes, grieving their lost fire, and assessing what they needed to do to fix their shelter, they got to work. But that wasn’t the case for the two contestants who would tap out less than 24 hours after being dropped off.

For them it was all too much. A fatal blow they never saw themselves recovering from.

We (my fiancé and I) watched in amazement as they unraveled and let their fears take hold of them, paralyzed from being able to doing anything constructive. They paced around in circles talking to themselves about how bad the situation was. They mumbled repeatedly about how with everything wet they’d never get another fire started. Meanwhile, unbeknownst to them, at every other camp fires were being re-started, or not used at all. One guy chose to forgo the use of a fire until it got colder. He and a couple of other contestants caught rain water to drink so they wouldn’t have to boil any.

At one point the female contestant who would go home made a half-hearted attempt at starting another fire. And when it didn’t work out, she broke down and started counting the minutes until she would call for extraction. She looked around at the beautiful dense forest surrounding her with it’s trees covered in a rich green moss, and said “it’s so dark in here, I need to get out.”

Both contestants that left got picked up with pictures of their families in their hands. They had spent the whole morning of day 2 grasping at those photos. They used them as part of their rationalization to leave. They had a great life back home. Children and spouses they loved and missed. They told themselves that they could go. That they had nothing to prove.

But having something to prove and challenging yourself is precisely the reason that you sign up for this show in the first place. You know that you are going to be alone, separated from all of civilizations, including your family and loved ones, and that you’re going to have to fight to survive in a harsh environment with limited resources. That is the show that all 10 participants signed up for. The only difference is perspective.

It’s clear to me that the two people that went home on day 2 were checked out before they even got there. They just needed an excuse to hang on to so they could convince themselves that it was ok to leave. They entered the competition with that mentality. And when the rain came it was a blessing from god. They could pack it in. The rain literally and figuratively extinguished their fire. 

Instead of looking past it and realizing that it was only day 2 and they had time to course correct, they allowed it to occupy permanent residence in their head. They dwelled on it until it got so big that they couldn’t overcome it. All of the fears and anxieties they had before the show swelled in their brain like a balloon. Until there was no room for anything else.

And while these two people spent their mornings unravelling and complaining about their mis-fortune, 8 other contestants at 8 other camps in the exact same situation, went about their day assessing what they needed to do to survive and acting on it. Rebuilding shelters. Hanging wet clothes to dry. Building fishing poles and nets.

It’s an amazing example of the power of perspective and mental fortitude. And how important it is to be able to push through if you want to achieve the goals you set for yourself. How you prepare mentally is just as important, if not more important, as how you prepare physically. 

A few years ago a friend and I set out to summit a mountain together. Our first 14er. The day before we were set to go he said to me, “what if we don’t make it to the top?’ I turned to him and said “what other choice do we have?” 

Perspective is everything.

The Behavior of Change

Things I’m thinking about

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On being happy

I think part of being happy is realizing that you can be happy even if you don’t have everything you want yet. I thought that once I did X, that would make me happy, and I could relax, and stop looking so far forward. But I realized tonight, that for the first time in my life, I’m happy, and there’s so many things I want, and rather than cause anxiety, it excites me.

Coincidentally or not, I read this quote this morning which nails it:

“Desire is the contract that you make with yourself to be unhappy until you get what you want.” - Naval Ravikant

For some reason, I no longer feel the pressure of making sure X will happen. Instead I know it will happen. It might not happen how I thought it would. It might end up looking different than what I envisioned. But I have finally realized that, regardless of when, how, what, I can still enjoy the present moment. 

I read this quote as well which also came at an opportune moment:

“‘Success’ sells this kind of ultimate destination when - even though I’ve accomplished something, and you [Tim] have accomplished something - I told you I was crying last night. It’s not like, ‘I’m done, I’ve arrived’ or anything like that.” — Sophia Amoruso as told to Tim Ferriss, Tools of Titans

Riding my bike the other day I realized that this whole time I’ve been afraid to start on my path because I was expecting some finished version of myself, and that once I reached that point, I would be ready to begin the work. But it struck me riding around the lake outside my house, that that will never be the case. Who I am, what my beliefs, routines, habits, likes and dislikes, are today, are not the same as yesterday, and will not be the same as tomorrow. As long as I’m continuing to learn, seek knowledge, grow, and evolve, I’m never going to have a “finished product” to present to anyone, so the work needs to start now. And the work is the journey.

It was a powerful realization for me, to know that I can be happy now, and beginning working now, knowing that there more to come.

Opportunities

There is no such thing as a missed opportunity. There are only false starts, delays, and detours.

I’ve really been thinking deeper about this idea that everyone has a path laid out for them, buried within their intuition, and the key to reaching your full potential and achieving happiness lies in your ability to dial into it.

When I think about this theory, it makes me realize that there are no such things as missed opportunities. Your path is your path and nothing will change that. Every “missed” chance presents an equal opportunity to make it right somewhere else down the line. You just need to be open to seeing it, and willing to act when the time is right. I’ve noticed it countless times in my own life, where it’s felt like an opportunity to feel better, to make up with someone, to invest, to learn something new, has passed by, only to see each one of those things resolve themselves in some other, sometimes unexpected, manner.

The point is, don’t regret or stress missed opportunities. Instead, seek the next opportunity you see.

Shifting views

If you believe that the way you were raised has had an impact on your view of the world, then you must also believe that it is possible to change your view of the world. If, you grew up in a balanced home, then you would likely approach situations from a balanced perspective. If, you grew up in a home that valued fruits and vegetables, then you would likely enjoy eating fruits and vegetables. And if you grew up in a house full of books, then you would likely love to read.

Our view is what shapes our world, and it is possible to change our view with just a little work. First, understand that you can. Second, understand that you will. Maybe not today, tomorrow, the next day, or the day after that. But if you keep at it, then at some point, it will change. And if you pay close enough attention, you’ll find that small things around you will begin to change before anyone else even notices it.

Accounting for phone usage

It’s really not possible to spend less time on your phone than you currently are right now. The problem is what you’re doing during that time. If you have social media, an inbox full of newsletters and promotional emails, notifications for “breaking news,” then, to be blunt, you’re really just wasting your time.

There is so much you can do with a phone, and we only use 10% of its capabilities (I made that stat up but I bet it’s close). It’s much like our brains. We only use a small portion, the rest is left untapped (although I read somewhere recently that that’s being challenged). What could you be doing with your time?

Researching that idea you had. Starting an online blog. Using your notes for journaling. Looking up a fun workout, or recipe. 

There are so many other things you could be doing. But you’re not, so none of what you want is happening.

A few months ago I made a decision to exit the world of click-bait news, and social media, which marked a turning point in my life.

I was inspired by a quote I heard on an episode of the Tim Ferriss Show. It was something like, “I decided I wanted to stop being on top of things, and start getting to the bottom of things.” In that moment something clicked, and my whole approach to news and social media was flipped.

I thought that by reading news articles I was being smart, and I was figuring things out. But all I ever felt after reading articles was angry and frustrated. Angry that the “journalists” did a bullshit job of reporting, and frustrated that what they were “reporting” on was never going to be resolved. And the information I was learning, wasn’t new, and it was of little value. I learned talking points, instead of the truth.

Social media on the other hand, was a no-brainer for me. I’m fortunate to be blessed with an allergy to social media. The mere sight of it, or mention of it, gives me anxiety. It’s always felt dirty to me and so by this point social media and I were already on the outs. I had deleted it all once before, and it lured me back. But I knew it was time to break free for good.

Now when I’m on my phone I’m spending the time on myself. I’m researching an idea. Writing down a thought. Looking up a good restaurant. Planning for an upcoming trip. Recording videos for my YouTube Channel. Texting my friends and loved ones.

Very often I’ll still pick up my phone just looking for something to distract, but there’s nothing there. No social media to open. No news to read. No inbox full of emails to scroll through and delete. So I’ll sit staring at my phone forcing myself to remember what I wanted to work on. “ahhh, I wanted to look up that hike my dentist told me about. Let me do that now.”

Worst Case Scenario

In any situation I try to imagine the worst case scenario, and then decide if I can live with it, and/or how to mitigate the chances of it happening. 

Two recent examples.

We bought a plastic skeleton to sit on the basketball hoop above our driveway. I don’t have a ladder tall enough to reach it. So, my thought was to back in my girlfriend’s pickup, and put the ladder I do have, in the bed of the truck to reach it. 

Immediately it sounded dangerous, and I thought, what’s the worst that could happen? I could fall and get seriously injured. Can I live with that? I could, but I’d prefer not to. So, how to mitigate it?

Take my time. Don’t rush. Don’t get frustrated. Ask my girlfriend to stand in the truck with me and hold the ladder. ✅ 

A friend of mine is buying a building and he reached out asking if I was interested in investing. I’ve invested in properties with him a number of times in the past with good returns. 

He offered three options. Straight equity, equity plus preferred interest, and straight interest. I decided to go with straight equity. I thought it’d be nice to have a long term investment in my portfolio. 

But the amount I was committing to was less than he wanted for an equity partner, and he asked if I’d be okay with doubling it. 

I immediately thought what’s the worst case scenario. I’m not concerned with losing the investment, although that is always a possibility, even if a far out one. My concern in this case, the worst case scenario, is not having the funds when I go to buy my own property. So, I started thinking about what I could do to mitigate that happening. 

I could opt instead for straight interest with the initial amount I offered, which wouldn’t be as exciting, but would still be double the interest earned in a high yield savings account. I could sell some stocks if I needed to buy my own property, which I’d likely have to do anyway. I could start earning income in the next 6-12 months, around the timeline for buying a property. ✅ 

I always find that thinking “worst case scenario” is a good mental exercise. I think by picturing the worst possible outcome we can mitigate risk, help set expectations, and hopefully come out better on the other side.

Principles for life

I think there are four keys to life that we’re not really ever made aware of. I think these four keys are paramount to experiencing success in your life, however you choose to define it. I think these four principles are necessary to achieving your goals and making dreams a reality.

Permission to do it - I’ve been suffering from a nagging injury for 5 years. I went to a new physical therapist/masseuse when I got to Colorado. He told me not to become a recurring client. He told me I need to do the work every day. He gave me permission to heal myself, instead of relying on someone like him to do it for me.

Understanding of how to do it - He, along with another therapist, gave me a lot of exercises that helped me get better. The exercises they gave me led to an understanding of how the body moves, which I was able to use to continue finding new exercises to help me heal.

Knowledge that it’s possible - I’ve watched countless professional athletes get over terrible injuries. My injury was not a career ending one, but it was an acute injury turned chronic. I knew that with enough time, I would heal. I knew it was possible if I could just figure out the puzzle.

Confidence to do it - Confidence or determination, I’m not sure which one. Perhaps both. But over the last 5 years never once did I believe I couldn’t figure out the missing link that would get me back to 100 percent. I’d say I’m at about 80 percent, and closing in quick.

Five things you can do right now to immediately gain an edge over 99% of the population, and join the new 1%:

1. Giver yourself space to think. Delete all of your social media, including LinkedIn.

2. Find time to exercise. Do push ups immediately upon waking up every morning. Do 1 repetition short of failure.

3. Clear your bed by writing. Something, anything, into a notebook or journal before going to bed. “I don’t know what to write so I’m just writing I don’t know what to write,” counts.

4. Fix your diet, feed your cells. Eliminate all added sugar from your life. All added sugar. Eat as much fruit as you want. 

5. Exercise your brain by reading. Commit to one page per day. 

On the benefits of being selfish

Most of what I do is for selfish reasons. I try to get as much done as possible in the house before my girlfriend comes homes from work, so this way she has nothing to do when she gets home.

I don’t do it for her though. I mean I do, but the real reason I do it is because when she gets home all I want to do is spend time with her and unwind. And if she has to run around getting things done, then we never get to really connect. By the time we’re both decompressed, it’s bed time.

So, I do my best to make sure everything is in order. Plants watered ✅. Kitchen clean ✅. Trash and recycling ✅. Dog walked ✅. Dinner ready ✅. And now we get to spend time together.

Most of what I do is for reasons such as this. Self-ish ones that really have my interests at heart but look outwardly real, nice, and genuine.

My intentions are good. But they’re just intended for me.

Which maybe says something about where I’m at in my life right now. Where my self-ish reasons seem to align with everything that’s good, fun, and enjoyable in my life. And even if not for the same reasons as one might assume, good stuff is getting done.

There’s No Way to Guarantee Success

But you can give yourself the best shot.

A few years ago a buddy invited me to attempt a summit of Mt. Rainier in Washinngton State. I said yes without hesitation. But I knew nothing about the adventure that lied ahead.

It turns out that at 14,410 ft Mt. Rainier is one of the highest mountains in the lower 48 states, is the most glaciated peak in the contiguous U.S., and it is therefore one of the more technically difficult to climb.

One of our guides said that she thinks it’s more challenging than Mt. Everest which stands at over 29,000 ft. I knew none of this.

When I agreed to join my assumption was that we would be doing something akin to the backpacking trip that my buddy and I had met on a couple of years earlier. That was a 7-day trek around Torres del Paine national park in Patagonia. I found out quickly that this trip would not be at all like that.

When you’re attempting to summit a mountain peak like Mt. Rainier there’s a lot you need to know. You need to understand how to walk in crampons over glacier crevasses. You need to know proper ice axe arrest technique to prevent yourself from falling off the mountain cliff, and dragging down everyone with you in the process. And you need to understand how to hike through glacier, ice, and rock while tethered to other people, with a pack on.

That’s the real life saving stuff, and speaks nothing to the challenge of hiking at elevation with 30 - 40 lbs on your back. Proper nutrition and hydration. Sleeping in a tent in freezing cold conditions. Pooping in a bag for two days while your privates are exposed to snow and the cold. 

This is all a long way of saying that success, getting to the peak, relies on a lot going right. And it relies heavily on having the proper mindset.

After the challenge in front of us became clear, my buddy and I were talking about it a couple of nights before over dinner. He said something to the effect of “do you think we’ll make it to the top?” To which I replied, “what other choice do we have?”

A few days later I was one of two people from the group who made it to the top. A lot had to go right. In addition to everything mentioned above I was lucky to be coming off a 6 week cycling challenge that put me in some of the best shape of my life. That challenge, along with a couple of years of endurance racing experience, had taught me about nutrition and hydration, and how to push past physical limitations.

But I can’t help but think that having the mindset of “what other choice do we have?” played the most important role for me. Climbing Mt. Rainier was one of the most challenging things I have ever done in my life, and there were many instances where I stopped and asked myself “what the fuck am I doing here?” But each time I made sure to follow it up with “getting to the top.”

It’s not that I didn’t have doubt, pains, fears, or concerns, because I had all of those in spades. But I never allowed them to take a permanent or even long term residence in my mind. All of these doubts and feelings were quickly cast aside by the positive thought of having no choice but making it to the top.