The Behavior of Change
The formula is not that easy and never the same
I used to think that everyone was impacted the same way by everything. The first time I realized that wasn’t true was when a few friends and I tripped on mushroom. I was expecting for all of us to have essentially the same trip. We didn’t. It was my first time taking a heavy dose of mushrooms, and it’s safe to say I had the biggest reaction to them. I’ll spare you all the details except to say that I spent the 6 hours on the floor, under a blanket, going between fits of crying, laughing, and asking the group if I should drink water. It was something.
One of my friends spent his trip walking around draped in a shaggy blanket, laughing at everything and everyone. My other friend played DJ and sat in a chair, eyes closed, listening to the music. My last friend kind of did a combination of everything, feeding off whichever one of us he was interacting with. The one thing they did have in common, was that they kept a close eye on me.
Now, we did all take different size doses. We also are four guys with very different builds. One guy who took as much as me, threw up about an hour into it. A couple people had done full trips before. A couple of us had not. But despite that, despite those differences, I was still shocked by how different our experiences were.
I was also shocked by what we each got out of it in the days and weeks that followed. I had a number of different break throughs during my trip. Some I think were pretty common, like fully understanding the connectedness of the universe and mankind. While others were deeply personal, like a new perspective on strained relationships in my life and the decision to confront them.
But I never heard of any of the other guys having any new revelations about life, or the world. Or anything they planned on doing differently based on what they saw or felt during their experience. No new insights about relationships, work, goals or ambitions. Maybe they had them but never shared them with me. Or maybe because I was such a mess during my trip that they couldn’t get the full experience I had. Or maybe the different doses and body types played a bigger role than I realize. Regardless, I had expected we’d all come away with something similar to share.
A friend who I no longer speak to, recommended reading Boyd Varty’s The Lion Tracker’s Guide to Life a few years ago. We were both at major transition points in our life, and trying to find our path. He assured me that this book would change my life. He was right. I listened to the audio version that first time, and I enjoyed it so much that I went out and bought a physical copy and have since read it three more times. It is the book I gift the most to people because of the impact its had on me. If you haven’t read it, and you are seeking your path, then I highly recommend it.
But it doesn’t appear that its had the same impact on my old friend. Although we no longer speak, we still have mutual friends, and they, unsolicited, update me from time to time on what’s he’s doing. In short, he seems to be doing the same stuff he was doing 4 years ago when he recommended that book.
So what is it about a drug, a book, a movie, a podcast, a news story, or an experience, that can have such a great impact on one person, while seemingly having no impact on the other?
A few years ago a friend of mine and I went to Patagonia for a 7-day trek around Torres del Paine National Park. It was only the third time I had ever been on a hike before in my life (I was 30 by this point). And it was the first time I had ever camped or backpacked. At the time both my buddy and I had just left long tenures at our respective jobs, and were unsure of what we would do in the future. That trip completely changed the trajectory of my life. It motivated me to leave New York, the only place I had ever lived, and it shifted my focus to exploring the outdoors. It also convinced me that there was more to life than a job. Six years later and I haven’t returned to New York, or work, while my buddy has.
So what is it? I think it’s about intention. What do you intend to get out of this experience or do with your newfound knowledge? I think that you need to have an intention going into it in order to get anything out of it. I think that every body is at different points of their journey. Some people might not even have begun theirs. It doesn’t matter how old you are or where you came from. Your journey and where you are on it, is unique to you. And I think the number and types of experiences you’ve had prior tot his new one, whether it’s tripping on mushrooms, reading a powerful and influential book, or taking a trip that’s outside of your comfort zone, plays a role.
That’s why you can’t treat every person the same and expect the same outcome. That’s why you need to be kind and figure out where people are on their journey and meet them there. You need to understand where they’ve been and where they want to go if you want to help them. It’s very easy to just repeatedly bludgeon someone over the head with what’s worked for you, and wonder what’s wrong with them when you don’t get the result you’re looking for. But that’s why I’m saying no formula is the same and it’s not that easy. We’re all unique and we will all respond in kind.