The Behavior of Change
My views based on my experiences.
As in a love relationship, we learn that what we thought we knew is not equal to what we are discovering. As in an intimate relationship, we learn that who we thought we were is not who we are now in the midst of all the disappearing boundaries. Almost always in relationship, what we think have to give, is not actually what is needed. What we thought was love, might not have been love at all. And what we thought we had to give up, is not after all what is being asked for - David Whyte
Sleep
It wasnât long ago that I discovered that sleeping is a skill. For most of my life I considered myself someone who couldnât take naps or sleep past a certain time in the morning. I was up when the sun came up, or the first time my eyes opened. When I went to take a nap, I would get up just minutes later. Sleeping extra was just not something that I was born with.
Until one day I realized that it was all a lie. That the reason I couldnât nap or fall back asleep like so many other people I knew, was because I didnât want to. I didnât want to fall asleep during the day. I was busy, I had things to do. The same was true of the mornings. Once my eyes opened and I glimpsed the morning sun my mind would immediately start working and it seemed more important to get up and act than to stay in bed.
I realized this and so one day I did a little experiment. I went to take a nap, but this time I meant it. Instead of going into it with the mindset that I wouldnât be able to fall asleep, I went in with the mindset that I really wanted to get some rest, even if it was for only a few minutes. I convinced myself that if I could rest for 20 - 30 minutes, that contrary to my prior belief that it would be a waste of time, that I would actually be more productive throughout the rest of the day. And it worked. And so for many days after, instead of fighting it and saying I canât, I embraced taking a mid-day snooze.
More recently Iâve tried this same idea in the mornings. But for a different reason. I realized that on days when I actually slept past that initial wake up, that my days went smoother. I was less agitated. My brain wasnât as foggy. Even my bowel movements were better. So I told myself that I could sleep in, and that I didnât have to rise with the sun. That I could be someone who sleeps past 6 am. And so far itâs worked.
We have so many preconceived notions about ourselves. About things we are capable of and things we arenât that are based on a lifetime of experiences. Since weâve been doing something a certain way for most of our lives weâre convinced that it canât be changed. That itâs innate within us. We were born this way.
But once you realize that thatâs not true, a whole new world begins to open up. A whole new world where changing your behavior is possible. Where statements such as âI canât, Iâm not that type of personâ begin to wash away and seem silly. We are capable of a lot more than we give ourselves credit for.
Your boots not in.
We were out skiing and my fiancĂ© was having trouble getting her boot into her ski. it was her third day ever skiing, and she was wearing new boots. From where I was standing I could see that her heel wasnât lined up, and so when she pressed her foot down, her boot hadnât clicked in. So, trying to be helpful I said âyour boots not in.â She tried again. But the same thing happened. So I said, âyour boots not in.â This happened one more time and she finally turned and, clearly frustrated, snapped back, âI know its not and youâre just standing there tell me its not. Do you think thatâs helpful?â
I tried to explain that I thought it was, and that I didnât think she could tell whether she was fully in or not. But, consumed with frustration, she didnât see it that way. She just thought I was being a dick.And I can see how. But at the same time something else dawned on me.
It dawned on me how these small moments in a relationship could lead to bigger issues down the road, and leads to cracks in communication.
If one party thinks they are being helpful, but the other party doesnât receive it that way, and is constantly pushing back, then itâs going to make their partner reluctant to give feedback. Theyâre going to hesitate to offer advice or even be truthful becasue they are expecting an unfavorable response.
They think they are coming from a place of being genuine, but they just end up getting their hand slapped. And the more and more it happens, the more and more they are going to default to being silent, and biting their tongue. Which is a crucial mstake in any relationship.
I realizd this as it was happening. And I realized its all these moments, if left unchecked, add up over years to lead to the demise of a relationship over time. But I also became aware of two other things.
One, no matter what, you can never be afraid to open your mouth in a relationship jut becasue of past experiences. Two, most importantly, that you also cant keep doing or saying the same thing and expecting a different response. I.e. âYour boots not in.â
You have to think o adifferent approach when the first one isnât working. You have to think about a different way to get your point across, so that it is receifeved int the way in which you intended it. Maybe I should have skiied over and physically helped her place her boot firmly in. Maybe I should have showed her with my own skis. Or maybe I should have said nothing and just waited.
But its hard to see that in the moment, and correct yourself while its hapneing. But I think just being aware of it, even after the fact, will help the next time you find youself in that situation. And the more and more youre aware of it, the easier it will be to identify.
A disagreement or frustration over ski boots is not the end of the world. But I believe that getting it right in the small inconsequential moments in life is the key to having succcess in the moments that really matter.
Why are we paying for anything?
A few months ago I returned a rug to Home Depot. After a couple of weeks of having it in our bedroom we decided that we didnât like the look or feel, so we returned it. Home Depot issued us a refund, and told me they were going to destroy it. The rug was new, but they decided it was easier to destroy it then put it back on the floor. The rug cost $250.
For Christmas my sister-in-law ordered my fiancé and I a karaoke machine. But after ordering it she realized it was the wrong one, so she logged back onto Amazon, cancelled the order, and ordered the correct one. They refunded her for the cancelled order, but sent both anyway and told her to keep them.
In Colorado and California Iâve volunteered with local food banks and food recovery organizations. Between them they recover millions of pounds of food each year, that wouldâve otherwise ended up in the landfills. They distribute the food they recover to people suffering from food insecurity who are unable to buy enough groceries. The food being recovered is good quality food. Organic produce. Wild caught fish. Organic dry goods. Milk and eggs. Pork and beef.
Fifty percent or more of food in this country ends up in landfills. The waste starts on the farms, continues in restaurants and retail shops like grocery stores, and occurs the most in homes.
So my question is, if all of these producers, manufacturers, and distributors are ok with just throwing away product, why not get organized and give it away? I know thereâs a family who would love a $250 rug for their house. Or a karaoke machine for their kids. And most certainly everyone would love access to free nutritious food!
Or how about we get better at managing what ends up in our landfills so that we can lower prices by selling more product? I donât know what the answer is, but I do know that more and more I wonder why Iâm paying for anything.
In a society full of abundance waste is inevitable.
How Sleep and Holiday Dinner Affect Glucose
Some surprising and not so surprising reasons my glucose has been acting up
After it felt like I was starting to understand what was impacting my glucose readings, this past week threw me for a loop. After some technical difficulties applying a new continuous glucose monitor (CGM), that cost me a week of data, I finally got a new one on and connected in time for Christmas dinner on Monday December 25th.
Christmas Dinner
Christmas is a big deal for my girlfriend and I. In my life Iâve never had Christmas without family, and my girlfriend only ever had Christmas without her family once. Weâre used to big home cooked meals with our parents and siblings. But at the end of October we moved a 3 days drive away to Colorado, and we werenât returning home for the holidays. So we needed to figure out Christmas dinner on our own. And after an expensive and mediocre experience ordering out for Thanksgiving, we really wanted to make Christmas special.
So we cooked a meal mostly inspired by food my girlfriend is used to, which luckily for me meant she did most of the cooking. A turkey was too much meat for just the two of us, plus we didnât have the necessary equipment to cook one, so we opted instead to make a whole chicken in the crock pot. My girlfriend also made two of her favorite dishes, pineapple bake (bread, crushed pineapple, butter and cream), a sweet and savory dish akin to a bread pudding, and green bean casserole. Plus garlic mashed potatoes, and roasted carrots, parsnips and cauliflower for balance. And cookies for dessert.
We ate an early dinner at 4 pm.
As discussed in a previous post I made sure that morning to eat a low carb, high protein and fat meal of baked wild salmon, roasted brussels sprouts and sautéed bell peppers, avocado and finished with olive oil, to try and limit the damage. I also followed up Christmas dinner with a salad of tomato, raw red onion, blueberry, avocado, apple and chicken.
I was surprised to see that within 30 minutes of dinner, despite a plate loaded with simple carbohydrates, my glucose only spiked 37 points. And within an hour it had returned to baseline. I was conscious during dinner to consume my chicken, green bean casserole and vegetables (protein, fat and fiber) before the mashed potatoes and pineapple bake, a tactic recommended by Levels that slows the absorption of glucose into your bloodstream, but I was still pleasantly surprised with the result.
But even more surprising were the days to come. And for the wrong reasons.
The remainder of my week remained mostly steady, although on Tuesday following Christmas I did experience two 30+ point spikes. But neither one of these seemed out of line. The first one was caused by two bowls of berries that I ate after a prolonged period that day of not eating. The second was a plate of leftovers. In both cases it also made sense to me because the day before I had gone off my normal eating habits with Christmas dinner, and I assumed by body was working to get back to baseline.
The most surprising of data came the following Sunday, New Years Eve, and continued through Tuesday. For New Years Eve we stayed in and cooked. This time we made venison meatloaf, the same garlic mashed potatoes and boiled broccoli. On the surface it seemed like a balanced meal, and in comparison to Christmas I had about half the amount of carbohydrates on my plate.
But within 45 minutes of eating my glucose spiked 58 points and remained elevated for 2 hours (compared to only 1 hour for all the previous spikes discussed in this post). On Monday I experienced two spikes lasting a total of 4 hours. The first spurred by green lentils, which had never had this affect before, and the second from 2 handfuls (not bowls this time) of blueberries. And on Tuesday lentils again caused a spike, this time 56 points. None of it made sense.
If Christmas dinner, which was certainly richer in carbohydrates, only caused a 37 point spike, then why was this meal and subsequent healthier carb meals causing these swings. I started to wonder what else might be at play, and I started looking into possible causes other than the quality and quantity of carbohydrates.
The first thing that occurred to was that the meatloaf contained added brown sugar and breadcrumbs, plus simple carbohydrates and sugar from the homemade sauce on top. But I only ate 1/4 of the meatloaf, so I doubted that couldâve caused such a surge. The other metric that made me doubt this was the cause was my average glucose was steady at about 10 points higher than normal. Something else was going on.
I was beginning to think it was sleep related. So searched and found this study, the Impact of Insufficient Sleep on Glucose, which was summarized on the Levels Health blog.
In short, sleep efficiency, duration of sleep, and the time you go to bed and wake up each day, all play a role in your glucose levels and in your ability to control glucose the next day. Maintaining an early bedtime, getting uninterrupted sleep and sticking to a regular sleep pattern have all been shown to lower glucose levels and improve glycemic control.
My habits over the prior few days had all been in direct opposition to that advice.
In the nights leading up to these spikes, my sleeping habits had been off. I hadnât been getting less sleep than usual. About 5 hours per night, down from 6 - 7. I also had been going to bed closer to midnight as opposed to my 10 oâclock routine, and waking up earlier, between 4 - 5 am instead of between 6 - 7 am. My lack of consistency, duration, and sleep quality were now showing up in my elevated and volatile glucose levels.
I wasnât happy, but I also wasnât surprised. Sleep has become a key component of longevity and health span for this very reason. It greatly impacts your metabolic health.
Since I had anticipated that lack of sleep might be impacting me, Monday night I went to bed closer to 10 pm, and followed that up again last night. Iâve continued to wake up at 4:30 am, but Iâve felt rested. So far today my glucose has remained steady, but my avg glucose remains elevated around 100 mg/dL. Heeding the advice of the study, I also ate a low carb breakfast of chicken, brussels and peppers, and a couple of handfuls of blueberries for dessert.
But Iâm confident sleep and stress are my issue and Iâm going to continue to pay attention to both of those over the next week, while also staying away from garlic mashed potatoes and other simple carbs.
A Good Podcast On Sleep
EC Synkowski spent this Episode of The Consistency Project debunking Andrew Huberman, and now Iâm torn.
Last week I shared my takeaways from Tim Ferrissâ conversation with Andrew Huberman, Ph.D. A recommended sleep stack, which I subsequently purchased, was part of those takeaways. This week I found an episode of The Consistency Project on sleep. I listened expecting to hear overlap and confirmation of Hubermanâs advice. Boy was I wrong. In fact, the episode is mainly dedicated to calling his recommendations into question for lacking scientific basis (something EC Synkowski emphasizes).
I got my stack in the mail Friday. In two nights of use Iâve found it easier to disassociate from my thoughts at bedtime (a benefit Huberman spoke about) and therefore fall asleep quicker, and Iâve experienced deeper sleep. This is purely anecdotal as I donât wear a sleep tracking device. Perhaps itâs just placebo, something EC Synkowski discusses. I bought a 60 day supply and Iâll at least see that through, but Iâm still pretty conflicted based on EC Synkoskiwâs advice that not one of the benefits Huberman cited has been scientifically proven.
Itâs worth noting that a main reason for her skepticism is an overall disbelief in supplements, regardless of their purported benefits. Her belief, which I share, is that most everything can be achieved by getting diet and exercise right. Regardless, since these are two experts I regard highly Iâm determined to understand how they could differ so greatly and Iâll be looking into the âdisconnectâ over the next few weeks.
If you need help sleeping, she recommends following these 14 Guidelines for sleep published by The American Academy of Sleep Medicine.
Keep a consistent sleep schedule. Get up at the same time every day, even on weekends or during vacations.
Set a bedtime that is early enough for you to get at least 7 hours of sleep.
Donât go to bed unless you are sleepy.
If you donât fall asleep after 20 minutes, get out of bed.
Establish a relaxing bedtime routine.
Use your bed only for sleep and sex.
Make your bedroom quiet and relaxing. Keep the room at a comfortable, cool temperature.
Limit exposure to bright light in the evenings.
Turn off electronic devices at least 30 minutes before bedtime.
Donât eat a large meal before bedtime. If you are hungry at night, eat a light, healthy snack.
Exercise regularly and maintain a healthy diet.
Avoid consuming caffeine in the late afternoon or evening.
Avoid consuming alcohol before bedtime.
Reduce your fluid intake before bedtime.
Itâs a lengthy list, but with the right routines, you can easily knock off most of them. We follow as many as we can and have an informal routine. Every night as bedtime approaches, around 10 oâclock in our house, we start turning off and down the lights. We set the temperature to 67 Fahrenheit (Jen thinks itâs 68). We donât drink âïž, and I try diligently to not have caffeine after 12 noon. I also stretch every night for 4 minutes before bed. Quad stretch, calf stretch, hamstring stretch, and elevated pigeon on the bed. I hold each position for 30 seconds (4 muscles, 2 sides, = 4 mins). Stretching really helps get me into bed relaxed.
Which ones do you practice? Which ones do you struggle with? Whatâs one thing you could change that would improve your sleep habits?