Relationships

Sharing responsibilities in a relationship is not only about carrying equal amounts of burden. It is about collaboration. Collaboration requires conversation, discussion, weighing the pros and the cons, and ultimately coming to a mutual decision. When one person does it all, it leads to breakdowns in relationships. But not because one person is responsible for carrying the load, although resentment can build, but because when a serious issue arises the couple, having rarely collaborated before, lacks the experience and skills needed to work through it.

If by contrast a couple is constantly working together and communicating about every decision and detail in their shared lives, from where to put a new tree, and what to cook for Christmas, what to feed the kids, to where to live, and whether or not to pursue that business idea, then when conflicts between them arise, they will be well versed enough to work through them.

They will know when to speak, when to listen, when to be forceful, and when to acquiesce. They will be open and receptive, and understand how to come to an agreement, and be able to move forward even if they didn’t get their way. Sharing responsibility is about more than shouldering the burden, although at the surface that is how we usually view it. It is about working together for the best possible outcome in all situations, and the more practice you have with the benign and fun stuff, the easier it will be to get through the tough things.