Mismanaged Moments
I think it’s important to realize that we have more time than we think. Not in life, but in moments throughout our life. We’re always rushing between tasks, afraid that if we take that extra second, everything will go to shit. But when you don’t take that extra second to tell your girlfriend she’s beautiful, or you rush through a meal, is precisely when shit starts to fall a part. Our lives are filled with mismanaged moments that we have the time for.
The thing I lie the most about is my job. What I do for work, which is another way of asking “how do you make money?” I hate being asked this question, because I don’t have a formal source of income, and I hate telling people that.
To me, when someone hears that I’m not working, haven’t worked in 6 years, and I’m under 40, they either think I’m rich, or that I live on a trust fund or some form of inheritance. No one has ever said that, but that’s my suspicion. Something on their face gives me that feeling.
So, more often than not, I lie. And, depending on who it is, depends on the lie.
If it’s a service man, like an electrician, the internet guy, or a furniture delivery, I usually say I’m a healthcare consultant. Which to me, isn’t totally a lie. In my head its true. Even though I don’t actually do consulting work in healthcare, I could. I have the experience.
But, if I’m talking to a more fitness or outdoor focused person, say someone I met on a hike, I usually say I work in fitness, without much description. To which most people just assume I mean personal trainer. Which, again, I could be. I have the certification, and I definitely have the experience. But, I’m not a personal trainer.
But in situations when there’s a good chance I’m going to see the person again, I tell them at least part of the truth. “I’m not working right now,” is a response I like to give. Which, prompts two responses. Person A assumes I got laid off, and gives me an empathic “sorry” look. Person B thinks I’m just starting a sabbatical, puts on a big smile, and says “thats awesome, good for you.”
Rarely ever do I tell anyone that it’s been 6 years since I held a formal full-time job. People’s heads explode. They’re not sure how to process someone not working that’s under the age of 40. Some people throw a look of “lazy generation.” Others, genuine disappointment. But some people are genuinely excited for you.
And to those people, I’ll tell the whole truth
It’s harder than you might think to not work for 6 years in your 30s. To not get sucked back up into the beast to chase money and promotions. But what’s harder is the feeling of being judged for it. No one could understand my reasons. I barely can. So, I’d rather keep them to myself.
But just today I realized at least in part why I never worked while I was living in Los Angeles. Because although I thought that’s why I was going there, what I realize now is that working was not the reason. The reason I went to Los Angeles was to find myself. To explore unhindered by responsibility, accountable to no one by myself, and see what happens. See if out alone in the world I sank, or swam, and the type of person I became. That was my job during those three years.
There is no good or bad advice. But the problem with advice is that it’s usually something that worked for that person. And since it worked for them, we assume it’ll work for us. And when it doesn’t, we mark it as a failure, and assume again, but this time that we are not capable.
Not realizing that there is a path out there for us, and we have to keep searching. Even if its not their path, you have one. And in the search for your path, you learn things.
You learn what you like, and what you don’t. What you’re good ati, and what you’re not. What frustrates you, or makes you feel angry, and about makes you hpayy and feel joyous.
And you go through your day getting rid of the bad, to make more room for the good. And thats your path to glide towards on you’re way to everything you ever wanted.
I think the thing that’s been interesting me the most recently is this behavior we all have where we shut down our thoughts. We say we want to do something, and then right behind it we blurt out an excuse not to. “I’m just going to get a canned response anyway. Better not to send my feedback.”
We all do it all the time. I’ve been doing it for awhile, and I still do it a lot. But accepting my first voice, is a practice that I continue to work on.
Listen to the people around you. Listen to them tell you about something you want, and then just as quickly shut it down. Then listen to yourself the next time you tell yourself you want something. And pay attention to the thought right after it. A reason not to.
It’s been fascinating to me because I’ve learned that when I’m listening to that first voice. That first gut reaction. My instinct. I flow from one thing to the next without hesitation. But the second I interrupt it, its like a train wreck with a 200 car pileup. Everything after it becomes seemingly more difficult.
I used to think that once that train rolled off the tracks that that was it. That was my fate for the rest of the day. The week. Sometimes the month, as one challenging thing after the next would pop up. But I’ve also learned that it’s possible to put the train back on the tracks.
And all it takes is putting a stake in the ground, and declaring that from this moment forward, you’re going to follow that voice. And it all falls back in line.
If you have no idea what I’m talking about, just observe the people around you. Observe your own thoughts. See if you can notice some sort of self-limiting talk keeping people from pursuing what they want.
But that’s why everyone needs at least one person in their life who tells them to go for it. And not in the way that your mom might say, “yea, you should do it.” But in a way that makes you believe it’s possible. Maybe it’s a close friend. A business partner. Your significant other. Everyone needs an advocate. A supporter, that tells them why they HAVE to do it, and WHY they CAN.
But I’ve realized with myself that the reason I often dismiss that first voice is because of fear. I don’t trust myself. I don’t trust that the advice I’m giving me is the right thing for me. That there is probably something I should be doing (that “should” word again. A bad word in my vocabulary). So, I push that voice aside and think about what I should be doing, which never works out well.
If I instead tell myself to have confidence. To believe in myself that I do know what’s best for me. That I can make it happen, and that the path being laid out by my intuition is the right one, then more often than not I find success, OR I can pivot quickly towards success.
Because let’s face it. Intuition isn’t 100% correct. Nothing is 100% correct in life. But it’s right more often than it’s not, and when you’re dialed into it, even if it leads you down the wrong path, you’re able tap into it fast and say “how do we get out of here.”