Relationships

I used to think that trust in a relationships meant telling the truth about where you were, what you did, and who you were with. But now I realize that’s just foundational, and the bare minimum you should expect from your partner. Strong relationships are based on trust of a different kind. Trusting that when you’re being foolish, your partner is going to tell you that you’re being foolish, and when you’re trying to be courageous, that your partner will encourage your courageousness. And trust that they’re going to know the difference, and be honest about it when the time comes.

My buddy is thinking about leaving the corporate world. After 15 successful years of building a nest egg, and moving up the corporate ladder, he’s beginning to wonder, “Isn there more to life than this?” and so he’s starting to explore the idea of leaving, and taking a year or two off. We had him over for dinner recently when he told us. He laid it all out, and we helped him weigh the pros and the cons. We asked questions about his biggest fears around leaving, what he might want to do instead. We threw out ideas for resigning, discussed timelines, and gave suggestions based on our own experiences and what we know about him.

Finally after about an hour of discussing it I asked, “What does your wife think you should do?”

I know his wife very well, and I’m very fond of her. She’s a smart, funny, successful, no nonsense woman who deeply loves my friend. And so it dawned on me, who cares what I think, if she believes he should leave, then he should leave. If she believes he shouldn’t, he shouldn’t. Because, lucky for my friend, he’s found the woman that he can trust to tell him when he’s being foolish and encourage him when he’s being courageous.

“She’s all about it,” he replied. “She thinks I should quit, and take time off.” When he said that I told him we had our answer and that he should stop searching. And it was the first time the importance of a partner you could trust was that crystal clear to me.