Why I Believe Willpower Is Misunderstood
A few weeks ago I came across this article The Company That Defined Dieting Is Sorry It Told Us To Have More Willpower published by the Wall Street Journal. The title of the article is laid above a picture of skinny Oprah from the 80s.
It turns out that the article was just a press release disguised as journalism. Something that has become all too frequent in recent years as the media seems poised to endlessly promote pharmaceutical companies and their drugs.
In this case, it was another promotion for WeGovy. The company that “is sorry” is WeightWatchers, and they want you to know that through a $100 million acquisition they are now able to prescribe “weight loss” drugs to their clients. Oprah’s has shamelessly signed on to promote the new approach in exchange for financial compensation (I guess some people never have enough).
As I read through the article looking for something (anything) related to willpower and found nothing, it made me think about this often controversial topic and the things I’ve experienced and learned when it comes to my own willpower. And since they didn’t talk about it, I thought I would.
You Have It or You Don’t.
Willpower has always been viewed as something you either have or you don’t. Some people are said to have “strong willpower” and others to have “weak willpower.” But willpower is not a have it or don’t proposition. Rather willpower is a skill that is learned over time, and reinforced through daily habits and routines.
People tell me all the time that I have strong willpower. They’re right that I do, but they’re wrong in thinking that I was born with it. It is not intuitive. I have been fortunate to benefit from having a mother with strong willpower, and she had a father with strong willpower. And his willpower was born out of necessity. After suffering a heart attack at age 40 and watching all four of his brothers die early deaths from alcohol abuse, smoking and poor diet he made the necessary changes to make sure that didn’t happen to him.
The intersection of where willpower meets action is misunderstood.
Willpower is not avoiding cookies after dinner, rather it’s not buying cookies to keep in the house. Willpower is not saying no to birthday cake at the office party, it’s not going to the office party in the first place. Willpower is asking for the check before the waiter asks if you want the desert menu.
Willpower is then about repeating these habits over and over again until they become so engrained in you that you don’t even go down the cookie aisle at the grocery store. They become so well known to those around you that you don’t get offered cake anymore (it happened to me). And desert after dinner is saved for celebrating special occasions.
It’s not an all or nothing proposition.
Going cold turkey is a concept that is favored by many and hated by others. It doesn’t have to be an all or nothing proposition. If you’re struggling to clean up your diet, completely cutting out all the “bad” stuff (simple sugars, ultra processed foods, high fat foods) will likely lead to failure.
I maintain a clean diet 99% of the time. Exception made for when I travel in which case I allow myself to fully indulge. But something I’ve noticed is that after returning home, I’m unable to dive right back into my clean diet. All the sugar and processed meats and foods I’ve eaten maintain a stronghold on my cravings. If I try to just ignore them, then I feel like shit. It can take me anywhere from 7 - 10 days to wean myself off the bad stuff and back onto the clean stuff.
If you’re someone that has been struggling with their diet for years, multiply that weaning off period by 100. It’s going to take time to cut everything out. It doesn’t mean you don’t have willpower. It means you need to focus on small wins, cutting back a little everyday, accepting that you’re going to take a step back from time to time. The key is to take more steps forward than back. Do not get discouraged, stick to your plan.
Willpower is about developing confidence and clarity in your goals.
It’s the reason that people can express “willpower” for many years and then “relapse.” Something happens in their life that causes them to lose focus, or lose confidence in their ability to stay the course. Their willpower doesn’t go away, but something changed that impacted their ability to harness their willpower. That’s what makes habit and routine so important.
Developing strong habits and routines are essential to maintaining your willpower.
That all brings me to the most important piece of information when it comes to willpower. And that is the development of strong habits and routines. There are two main reasons. The first is the most obvious. Strong habits will help keep you on track. Willpower is like compounding interest in investing, the longer you’re in the game the greater return you’ll see.
The second is less obvious but it is way more important. Strong habits and routines are what allow you to get back on track quickly! Everyone will go off the rails at some point their life (myself included). Work gets stressful. You’re moving. You have to travel a lot for work. You have to take care of a loved one. The world will always conspire to interrupt your routines. They key is to get back as fast as possible. The biggest setbacks don’t happen because you fall off, they happen because you stay off too long!
If you want to learn about habits, how they are formed, and actionable steps you can take, I highly recommend reading The Power of Habit, by Charles Duhigg and Atomic Habits, by James Clear. I also suggest reading Essentialism, by Greg McKeown. While not directly about habits, Essentialism provides a framework on how to focus only on what’s its essential to you.
I think that there is a major disservice that is happening right now that has been building for some time. It’s the notion that people are not capable of doing things themselves and they need require unnatural means to achieve what they want. Humans are the strongest and most intelligent species on the planet. Capable of things beyond our wildest imagination. We don’t need drugs to make us feel better or make us lose weight. We have that ability within us. We all do. I want everyone to tap into it.