The Behavior of Change
Things I’m thinking about
On being happy
I think part of being happy is realizing that you can be happy even if you don’t have everything you want yet. I thought that once I did X, that would make me happy, and I could relax, and stop looking so far forward. But I realized tonight, that for the first time in my life, I’m happy, and there’s so many things I want, and rather than cause anxiety, it excites me.
Coincidentally or not, I read this quote this morning which nails it:
“Desire is the contract that you make with yourself to be unhappy until you get what you want.” - Naval Ravikant
For some reason, I no longer feel the pressure of making sure X will happen. Instead I know it will happen. It might not happen how I thought it would. It might end up looking different than what I envisioned. But I have finally realized that, regardless of when, how, what, I can still enjoy the present moment.
I read this quote as well which also came at an opportune moment:
“‘Success’ sells this kind of ultimate destination when - even though I’ve accomplished something, and you [Tim] have accomplished something - I told you I was crying last night. It’s not like, ‘I’m done, I’ve arrived’ or anything like that.” — Sophia Amoruso as told to Tim Ferriss, Tools of Titans
Riding my bike the other day I realized that this whole time I’ve been afraid to start on my path because I was expecting some finished version of myself, and that once I reached that point, I would be ready to begin the work. But it struck me riding around the lake outside my house, that that will never be the case. Who I am, what my beliefs, routines, habits, likes and dislikes, are today, are not the same as yesterday, and will not be the same as tomorrow. As long as I’m continuing to learn, seek knowledge, grow, and evolve, I’m never going to have a “finished product” to present to anyone, so the work needs to start now. And the work is the journey.
It was a powerful realization for me, to know that I can be happy now, and beginning working now, knowing that there more to come.
Opportunities
There is no such thing as a missed opportunity. There are only false starts, delays, and detours.
I’ve really been thinking deeper about this idea that everyone has a path laid out for them, buried within their intuition, and the key to reaching your full potential and achieving happiness lies in your ability to dial into it.
When I think about this theory, it makes me realize that there are no such things as missed opportunities. Your path is your path and nothing will change that. Every “missed” chance presents an equal opportunity to make it right somewhere else down the line. You just need to be open to seeing it, and willing to act when the time is right. I’ve noticed it countless times in my own life, where it’s felt like an opportunity to feel better, to make up with someone, to invest, to learn something new, has passed by, only to see each one of those things resolve themselves in some other, sometimes unexpected, manner.
The point is, don’t regret or stress missed opportunities. Instead, seek the next opportunity you see.
Shifting views
If you believe that the way you were raised has had an impact on your view of the world, then you must also believe that it is possible to change your view of the world. If, you grew up in a balanced home, then you would likely approach situations from a balanced perspective. If, you grew up in a home that valued fruits and vegetables, then you would likely enjoy eating fruits and vegetables. And if you grew up in a house full of books, then you would likely love to read.
Our view is what shapes our world, and it is possible to change our view with just a little work. First, understand that you can. Second, understand that you will. Maybe not today, tomorrow, the next day, or the day after that. But if you keep at it, then at some point, it will change. And if you pay close enough attention, you’ll find that small things around you will begin to change before anyone else even notices it.
Accounting for phone usage
It’s really not possible to spend less time on your phone than you currently are right now. The problem is what you’re doing during that time. If you have social media, an inbox full of newsletters and promotional emails, notifications for “breaking news,” then, to be blunt, you’re really just wasting your time.
There is so much you can do with a phone, and we only use 10% of its capabilities (I made that stat up but I bet it’s close). It’s much like our brains. We only use a small portion, the rest is left untapped (although I read somewhere recently that that’s being challenged). What could you be doing with your time?
Researching that idea you had. Starting an online blog. Using your notes for journaling. Looking up a fun workout, or recipe.
There are so many other things you could be doing. But you’re not, so none of what you want is happening.
A few months ago I made a decision to exit the world of click-bait news, and social media, which marked a turning point in my life.
I was inspired by a quote I heard on an episode of the Tim Ferriss Show. It was something like, “I decided I wanted to stop being on top of things, and start getting to the bottom of things.” In that moment something clicked, and my whole approach to news and social media was flipped.
I thought that by reading news articles I was being smart, and I was figuring things out. But all I ever felt after reading articles was angry and frustrated. Angry that the “journalists” did a bullshit job of reporting, and frustrated that what they were “reporting” on was never going to be resolved. And the information I was learning, wasn’t new, and it was of little value. I learned talking points, instead of the truth.
Social media on the other hand, was a no-brainer for me. I’m fortunate to be blessed with an allergy to social media. The mere sight of it, or mention of it, gives me anxiety. It’s always felt dirty to me and so by this point social media and I were already on the outs. I had deleted it all once before, and it lured me back. But I knew it was time to break free for good.
Now when I’m on my phone I’m spending the time on myself. I’m researching an idea. Writing down a thought. Looking up a good restaurant. Planning for an upcoming trip. Recording videos for my YouTube Channel. Texting my friends and loved ones.
Very often I’ll still pick up my phone just looking for something to distract, but there’s nothing there. No social media to open. No news to read. No inbox full of emails to scroll through and delete. So I’ll sit staring at my phone forcing myself to remember what I wanted to work on. “ahhh, I wanted to look up that hike my dentist told me about. Let me do that now.”
Worst Case Scenario
In any situation I try to imagine the worst case scenario, and then decide if I can live with it, and/or how to mitigate the chances of it happening.
Two recent examples.
We bought a plastic skeleton to sit on the basketball hoop above our driveway. I don’t have a ladder tall enough to reach it. So, my thought was to back in my girlfriend’s pickup, and put the ladder I do have, in the bed of the truck to reach it.
Immediately it sounded dangerous, and I thought, what’s the worst that could happen? I could fall and get seriously injured. Can I live with that? I could, but I’d prefer not to. So, how to mitigate it?
Take my time. Don’t rush. Don’t get frustrated. Ask my girlfriend to stand in the truck with me and hold the ladder. ✅
A friend of mine is buying a building and he reached out asking if I was interested in investing. I’ve invested in properties with him a number of times in the past with good returns.
He offered three options. Straight equity, equity plus preferred interest, and straight interest. I decided to go with straight equity. I thought it’d be nice to have a long term investment in my portfolio.
But the amount I was committing to was less than he wanted for an equity partner, and he asked if I’d be okay with doubling it.
I immediately thought what’s the worst case scenario. I’m not concerned with losing the investment, although that is always a possibility, even if a far out one. My concern in this case, the worst case scenario, is not having the funds when I go to buy my own property. So, I started thinking about what I could do to mitigate that happening.
I could opt instead for straight interest with the initial amount I offered, which wouldn’t be as exciting, but would still be double the interest earned in a high yield savings account. I could sell some stocks if I needed to buy my own property, which I’d likely have to do anyway. I could start earning income in the next 6-12 months, around the timeline for buying a property. ✅
I always find that thinking “worst case scenario” is a good mental exercise. I think by picturing the worst possible outcome we can mitigate risk, help set expectations, and hopefully come out better on the other side.
Principles for life
I think there are four keys to life that we’re not really ever made aware of. I think these four keys are paramount to experiencing success in your life, however you choose to define it. I think these four principles are necessary to achieving your goals and making dreams a reality.
Permission to do it - I’ve been suffering from a nagging injury for 5 years. I went to a new physical therapist/masseuse when I got to Colorado. He told me not to become a recurring client. He told me I need to do the work every day. He gave me permission to heal myself, instead of relying on someone like him to do it for me.
Understanding of how to do it - He, along with another therapist, gave me a lot of exercises that helped me get better. The exercises they gave me led to an understanding of how the body moves, which I was able to use to continue finding new exercises to help me heal.
Knowledge that it’s possible - I’ve watched countless professional athletes get over terrible injuries. My injury was not a career ending one, but it was an acute injury turned chronic. I knew that with enough time, I would heal. I knew it was possible if I could just figure out the puzzle.
Confidence to do it - Confidence or determination, I’m not sure which one. Perhaps both. But over the last 5 years never once did I believe I couldn’t figure out the missing link that would get me back to 100 percent. I’d say I’m at about 80 percent, and closing in quick.
Five things you can do right now to immediately gain an edge over 99% of the population, and join the new 1%:
Giver yourself space to think. Delete all of your social media, including LinkedIn.
Find time to exercise. Do push ups immediately upon waking up every morning. Do 1 repetition short of failure.
Clear your bed by writing. Something, anything, into a notebook or journal before going to bed. “I don’t know what to write so I’m just writing I don’t know what to write,” counts.
Fix your diet, feed your cells. Eliminate all added sugar from your life. All added sugar. Eat as much fruit as you want.
Exercise your brain by reading. Commit to one page per day.
On the benefits of being selfish
Most of what I do is for selfish reasons. I try to get as much done as possible in the house before my girlfriend comes homes from work, so this way she has nothing to do when she gets home.
I don’t do it for her though. I mean I do, but the real reason I do it is because when she gets home all I want to do is spend time with her and unwind. And if she has to run around getting things done, then we never get to really connect. By the time we’re both decompressed, it’s bed time.
So, I do my best to make sure everything is in order. Plants watered ✅. Kitchen clean ✅. Trash and recycling ✅. Dog walked ✅. Dinner ready ✅. And now we get to spend time together.
Most of what I do is for reasons such as this. Self-ish ones that really have my interests at heart but look outwardly real, nice, and genuine.
My intentions are good. But they’re just intended for me.
Which maybe says something about where I’m at in my life right now. Where my self-ish reasons seem to align with everything that’s good, fun, and enjoyable in my life. And even if not for the same reasons as one might assume, good stuff is getting done.