Striking the work life balance

If you’re working so you don’t have to do anything, then what’s the point? If someone mows your lawn, cleans your house, watches your kids, does your laundry, and cooks your food (whether that means eating out or ordering in), then what is life really all about?

Everything in life requires a sacrifice. How much and what are you sacrificing by working more to make more money? How much joy are you missing out on? I know that these jobs, tasks, activities might not conjure images of happiness, joy, or fulfillment, but why is that? Why is the image of working hard to make more money looked upon with a smile, while the daily tasks required for our lives are not?

We’ve been conditioned to believe that doing these things are a waste of time. That they are beneath us, and that the dream is to be put yourself in a position where you can afford to have someone else do them. But I think that true happiness lies in performing these tasks. If only we approach them with the right perspective.

It feels really good to cook for yourself, your friends, or your family, or to look out over your lawn after you’ve cut and edged it just the way you wanted, or to pick a tomato or harvest some greens from your garden. They are small moments of fulfillment and accomplishment, a job completed for ourselves and maybe our family.

They are also an opportunity to slow down. They’re an opportunity to disconnect from the hustle and rapid fire of life, ad engage with what’s around us.

This question of “what is really the purpose of life?” and “how do I really want to spend my days?” is something a question I’ve asked myself so many times since leaving work 6 years ago. They’re questions I’ve been fortunate to even be able to consider. But it’s something I wish someone would have posed to me when I was working long hard hours and missing these moments. The only thing I made time for then was vacation. But those moments were few and far between, and fleeting. It wasn’t long before I was right back in the grind of things, waiting for my next opportunity to break out.

Meanwhile had I picked my head up and looked around, I could have found moments of joy every day.

Every now and then, usually when my investments aren’t doing well, like right now, I start to get anxious about not having a job and not having a source of income, and I start to question my decision to not work. And in response I start looking for work. But nothing is ever appealing to me (Sam Dogen says at some point after a long absence from work you become unemployable, and I agree) and it makes my anxieties worse. What will I do if things don’t turn around?

But it’s also around this time that something happens that reminds me why I’ve made the decision to not work. Today was one of those days.

I woke up, made coffee, wrote, set chicken to marinate in the fridge, and then worked out. Then my fiancé and I went to a hydroponic store to buy soil and flower trays. When we got back I helped my elderly neighbor who’s moving soon bring some boxes from her house into her garage to make the move easier. After that my fiancé and I hung out in the backyard. She seeded spinach and flowers, while I built two garden beds. At two o’clock I grilled the chicken, and then sat down for lunch. Tonight I’ll volunteer for a couple of hours at a recuperative center for the homeless.

As I sat down to lunch I realized that this day wouldn’t be possible if I had to be at work, and I asked myself, “what is the actual reason I’m looking for a job?” Isn’t it just about making money? And what would I be sacrificing in order to feel a little more secure? What is the actual tradeoff? How many moments and days like this would I be missing? How about all the things I love to do that I wouldn’t be able to if I was showing up to a job just to collect a pay check?

Now, I understand that it doesn’t have to be an all or nothing proposition. That I don’t have to go back to a full-time high stress job, and that even if I find myself in a job such as that I could always quit. I recognize that if I could find an enjoyable part-time job, it might allow me to have the best of both worlds. Financial security and time for the things that make me happy.

But I guess that’s the challenge we all face. Striking that balance between security and joy. And I guess that’s the question. What percentage change would be required to strike that balance? And would making that change, whether to allow more moments of joy, or in my case more financial security, materially impact your life? And, to take it a step further, what other unanticipated changes might start to occur as a result? It’s like the chicken and the egg. What has to come first?

If you want more time for the things you enjoy, you have to start by making more time. If you want to have more energy for the things you love, then you need to reallocate your energy expenditure.

I know it seems easy for me to say, but this wasn’t always my life. My life in the last 6 year has done a complete 180 from the 10 years before it. More of my adult life thus far has been spent thinking that working long hard hours to make even more money was the key. And it’s taken years for me to unwind that belief and realize that an alternative exists.

Big changes are the result of the accumulation of small changes over time. So what small change can you make today that will lead to the big change you dream of? It’s a hard question to answer. For me, I know it’s finding part-time work to bring some financial security and quiet the voice saying “get a job!” While protecting enough of my time to find the small joys in life.