Removing temptation can create will power
I think a big part of impulse control is keeping things that tempt your impulses mostly out of sight. And I think that is where the confusion around will power comes in. An image from The Biggest Loser documentary comes to mind. In one of the scenes contestants are placed into a room filled with all sorts of sweet and savory treats. The challenge is to consume the most calories to win a trip home, but not too much to ruin their weight loss for the week.
That’s the image I think most of us have of will power. Being in a room full of temptation and not indulging in it. Being able to white knuckle ourselves out of it. And that’s only partly true because there’s another way to avoid temptation. Avoid stepping into that room in the first place.
Most people that know me would probably describe me as having strong will power. But most people who know me also know that when they come over my house there is not going to be much to snack on. Some trail mix, maybe a bag of chips or some crackers, and fruit. That’s basically the extent of what I have keep in my house to snack on. Because I know what will happen if there’s anything more indulgent in my house. It’s going to get eaten.
On the rare occasions when I bring home pastries or cakes from a local bakery I end up taking a bite of something nearly every time I walk through the kitchen. They never last but a couple of days. When my fiancé makes cookies, they get eaten. If ice cream is in the freezer, like it has been in recent months, it’s really easy to convince myself I earned ice cream tonight.
And it’s not just food items. It applies to things like cell phone usage as well. If my phone is on me, all I want to do is check it. And I don’t even have anything worth checking on my phone. There is no social media, and all of my apps fit neatly onto one page. But if I leave my phone behind, I don’t even think about it.
The other day I took my dog for a walk and happened to bring my phone with me. Something I normally don’t do for his sake as much as mine. But I had been out for a few hours and so when I got home I just took him out right away without having a chance to put my stuff down. The whole time we walked all I could think about was touching my phone. Every time he stopped to smell the grass or look off into the distance I thought now would be a good time to check my phone. Now would be a good time to look up honeymoon accommodations (something I’ve been procrastinating doing for no good reason).
Just knowing its there creates temptation. The best way to handle temptation is to remove yourself from it.
I’ve got into a routine recently of taking a few drags of a hand rolled cigarette. Since I only take a couple of hits each day one cigarette usually lasts me a few days. And even though it’s only a few hits, I know that it’s become too routine and I need to stop. But when the cigarette is out there, it’s hard not to rationalize one more day and a few more puffs. So I need to create a little friction, and stop rolling them. If it’s not out there the friction of having to roll a new one might be just enough to break the cycle.
A few years ago I gave up drinking. I had known for years that drinking was not good for me and that I wanted to stop, but I still drank at dinner, or convinced myself that hard kombucha was a good choice, or that tasting different IPAs didn’t count. Even though I didn’t want to drink, and had cut back on drinking, I was still drinking. By being a drinker, I was letting the temptation linger. Once I decided I wasn’t going to drink anymore there was no longer the same temptation. A glass of wine at dinner or a beer while we watched UFC was no longer an option. I had to remove the option to distance myself from the temptation.
And if the best way to avoid temptation is to keep it out of your life, then I think the opposite I also true. The best way to incorporate new behaviors or make lifestyle changes is to remove the friction that makes it hard to do.
If the goal is to eat better. Keep better food in the house. If the goal is to exercise more. Keep exercise clothes and sneakers out ready to go. If the goal is to read more. Keep a book in the bathroom and one on your nightstand. If the goal is to cook more. Get new cooking utensils and supplies, and a fun cookbook.
Resisting temptation doesn’t have to be about proving you can stare temptation in the face and resist. Resisting temptation more often is about removing temptation from your life so you don’t have to always fight it. Over time just by not being around whatever the temptation is and therefore not indulging, you will develop those ‘will power’ muscles. But until they are developed there is no point in torturing yourself. Put some space between yourself and the things you’re trying to avoid, and give it time. That will also make room for the stuff you actually want to do.