Anger and despondence stopped me from doing what matters
During the pandemic food insecurity and food waste were in the news a lot. Tons of food was being thrown away by farms with nowhere to sell it. I distinctly remember videos of farmers dumping out gallons and gallons of milk, and pallets of food left to rot. At the same time millions of food insecure people throughout the country waited on long lines at food banks. It was insane to watch these two things happen at the same time.
I was living in California then, and the news of what was happening sparked a desire in me to get involved. So I began volunteering with a handful of local organizations working to reduce food waste, food insecurity, and reshape the food system. I spent time with the Los Angeles Food Bank. I gleaned fruit from residential properties with Food Forward. And I even worked my way into a part-time job on an organic from 1 hour north of Los Angeles. Through my involvement and reading, books like Food Fix and The Omnivores Dilemma, I learned about how broken our food system is and the enormous impact it has on society and the planet, which further fueled my commitment to be involved. So when I moved to Colorado in 2023 I immediately began volunteering at the Food Bank of the Rockies.
Friends I made at Food Bank of the Rockies made me aware of another Denver organization called We Don’t Waste. We Don’t Waste rescues food destined for the landfill from places like grocery stores, bakeries, restaurants, and Sam’s Club, and distributes it to non-profit partner organizations, like food pantries and homeless shelters, and the community through mobile food markets (a farmer’s market like setup), where on average 400+ families shop for free food. Through their work they’ve been able to drastically reduce food insecurity by saving food waste. Two birds one stone.
During my time in Los Angeles homelessness also become an important issue to me. In Los Angeles homeless encampments were everywhere, so understanding and helping these people in my community seemed like a necessary and important thing to do. In LA a small group of friends and I brought homemade food to various homeless encampments once a week. Giving people the dignity of a warm meal and the chance to be seen. In Colorado I found an opportunity to do something similar at the Colorado Coalition for the Homeless Recuperative Center. The recuperative center gives people that don’t have a home a place to recover after being discharged from the hospital (often before they are fully healed). The recuperative tries to place them in housing once they’re fully recovered, but more typically the clients there end up back on the streets.
And so for months, I spent a handful of hours each week volunteering with these different organizations, trying to understand, trying to make a difference, and trying to support the work of the people who have dedicated their lives to these issues. The work was rewarding, impactful, and insightful. I made friends with fellow volunteers, and looked forward to being part of the work. Until I didn’t.
During the spring and summer of 2025, something changed. By that time the U.S., under the Biden administration, was almost two years into supporting Israel’s campaign of death and suffering in Palestine. Donald Trump was back in office and, as is typical of his presidencies, creating all sorts of havoc. Cutting funding to aid groups around the world. Cutting funding to Medicaid and SNAP to pay for his brutal immigration crackdown. Rolling back regulations that protected the environment. And so much more. And I was so angry and despondent that I literally and figuratively threw up my hands and said “what’s the fucking point.” There is no amount of work that we can do here on the ground to counter the enormous acts of relentless incompetence at the highest levels.
And so for months, I did nothing. I didn’t volunteer. I stopped paying attention to what was going on. I totally disconnected myself and stopped being involved. I didn’t see the friends I made, and just hoped that things would change. I was sad, angry, and depressed. I didn’t fully understand what I was doing, but at the time it made total sense. It felt like shutting down was the only way I could get through all the madness. It felt like if I buried my head in the sand that by the time I picked my head back up to look around things would get better. But of course they didn’t. And it’s clear looking back how wrong I was. Thankfully, in the last few months something in me changed.
When the government shutdown in November 2025 and people weren’t receiving their SNAP benefits, it was a wake up call to me. I realized the problems I was ignoring weren’t going away, and, despite disconnecting, I wasn’t feeling any better. The problems were only getting worse, and suddenly it felt wrong to sit on the sidelines. I needed to get back involved. So, I forced myself out of the funk and got back to being involved.
The world is still a fucking disaster, maybe worse now than it was before, but I no longer see the chaos the same way, and I no longer see disconnecting as a solution. I realize now that, regardless of how small the impact I can make sometimes feels in comparison to the existential level of destruction I see all around me, that there’s still an impact to be made. That every little bit is worth fighting for. That every life impacted matters. And I see the power that comes from people coalescing around a cause, how it can change peoples lives, and how it can inspire others to do the same. And I want to be a part of it.
On Fridays I volunteer with an organization called Food for Thought, helping with setup and packing of food bags (“Power Sacks”) that get distributed to 8,000+ food insecure students in the Denver area every week. The setup involves breaking down ~20 pallets of food, and setting the various food items (bags of rice, cans of beans, beef jerky sticks, cereal), in set amounts, onto 18 tables (3 rows of 6). Each row is identical, and additional volunteers that come later walk the row of tables packing bags of food.
Typically 1 - 2 people tackle a pallet at a time. The pallet needs to be unwrapped. The boxes of food (stacked 4’ - 5’ high) need to removed and opened. The food needs to be unpacked and placed on the table. And the boxes the food came in need to be broken down, and put into recycling with any plastic. It’s work, and every Friday morning when I show up and see all the pallets I get overwhelmed at the amount of work we need to get done in the hour before the volunteers who are going to help pack show up. But I am also always amazed at how fast it goes.
While I’m head down getting my pallet done, so is everyone else. And by the time I finish and pick my head up, most of the work is already done. People who have finished their task then jump onto my pallet and start opening boxes of food, or breaking down empty boxes for me. Other people walking around collecting the broken down boxes and plastic and put them into the recycling. When I finish my task early, I do the same. And in what feels like the blink of an eye, 20 pallets are gone, thousands of pounds of food setup, ready to get packed for delivery to thousands of hungry kids. It’s remarkable.
There’s a lady who always shops the We Don’t Waste food markets. Every market is during the week, with the exception of one Saturday market per month. Since she’s off on the weekends, she comes and returns the favor and volunteers. A few weeks ago my fiancé, Jen, went to FedEx to print protest art for our poster boards. The lady helping her printed everything for free. She said she wished she could be there, but since she couldn’t, her way of supporting was by printing everything for free.
These are small things compared to the size of the problems we face, but they are all examples of the power that comes from many hands working together. The prospect of making progress in the face of nefarious governments can be daunting, but it’s not progress we have to fight for on our own. There is a role for all of us to play, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant it might feel.
Regrettably I forgot that, and checked out for an extended period of time when it all felt hopeless. It’s embarrassing to admit, but it’s the truth. I heard this quote years ago, soon after I had left the only job I’d ever known, as I was trying to figure out what the next chapter of my life would look like. It made such an impact on me that I wrote it on a post it note, and it’s now taped to my whiteboard, staring me in the face every day.
“The question is not if you will survive or if you will be successful. The question is how to be useful.”
I still haven’t figured out what the answer is exactly, or if there is even one. But, I do know that while there’s a lot of work to do, many hands make light work. There will always be reasons to be angry and despondent, unfortunately, but that will give rise to ways to be useful. I forgot what my north star was for awhile, and it came with a humiliating lesson that I’ll carry with me for the rest of my life. Everyone has a role to play.